fierybluebird | [Appointment Post / Voicemail]

[I assume at some random point Japan catches Marco being the masochist he is... Or he's reading the old threads. WHATEVER IT IS he's giving Marco a frown.]

Marco...

What?? [Confused, because it was an old thread and he doesn't know the context and thus figures someone hurt Japan.]

[True I dated this I should know that wow... But anyway, Japan holds the communicator and shows that thread with Luka.]

What are you doing here?

[There is no shame so Marco just smooths his face to deadpan.] Nothing. [Puts his glasses on, they make him look more smart and help him get taken more seriously.] Oh yes, right, I was suggesting that Luka find someone strong to accompany her on excursions.

[VERY VERY VERY carefully straight faced.]

[I am so proud of Japan for once he sees right through this... In fact, he leans over and takes those glasses right off Marco, staring at him. Eye contact. Do you know how rare that is from Japan?]

Gakupo-san is strong.

[Eyes widen. Don't steal his props man! How is he supposed to ~~hide~~ disguise?! Also. Dokidoki, Japan is close.]

Ah yes... but... she wanted someone for when she goes out without Gakupo. [Shifty and not making eye contact, but still mostly able to keep a straight face. He's not that easy to break.]

[PUTS THEM ON HIMSELF. Using your props against you. Japan looks amazing in glasses by the way. And still close yup...]

There are plenty of others. Isn't Marco the jealous type? [Did he just say that bluntly LMFAO HE DID WOW]

[Why yes. Yes he does. And Marco's trying to back up just slightly to escape.]

What gave you that idea? [A brief flicker and he forces his face again to neutral, giving off a small sly smile as he still doesn't look Japan in the eyes.] I'm not allowed to be jealous, eh? Ace made that very clear to me ages ago. Just as well, I've doubt I'd kill people otherwise. [Side glance.] Though I don't see what that has to do with it. [Damn it, he wants the glasses back, but Japan looks cute with them ;;]

[Japan doesn't really follow him, but he continues to stare, frowning. What gave him that idea? Well...]

We are quite similar... in many ways, aren't we? [There's a pause.]

So forgive me if my initial question was misleading. I understand what Marco is doing here, but I do not understand why.

[ADMIRE THE GLASSES. B)]

[That gets his attention back up.]

Why do I have to have a why? I do plenty without a reason. [Lying still though~]

Marco... [Disappointed frown. He knows this method exactly, actually. Trying to disarm the argument, backing away, making excuses...

He leans closer to Marco again.]

This is self harm. [He knows self harm. He's... heading towards a city for that right now. But this... was Marco. He could see it, so he should stop it, right?]

Jealousy is not something that can be erased so easily. It is just voicing it that can be done away with. But why invoke it purposely? [He knows exactly why, but he's trying to get Marco to realize this is not... good...]

[Starts flushing and having trouble just breathing.]

I'm not --

[Shakes his head and trembles slightly.] Ah... he... [Clicks teeth shut. Okay Japan was right, but if he didn't talk at all then it'd be fine. Or something. That is his thinking.]

[Brings a hand to the side of his face. WOW CREEPER no actually he's just like DON'T SHAKE D: but wow...]

Being so close to Ace-kun... You cannot do this. [He looks really sad all of a sudden]

Harming yourself in order to feel. Is it because there is no return of these feelings on the level you would like?

D-don't...

[Glances down and keeps his eyes on the ground, bringing a hand to Kiku's hand and moving it down to hold onto it. And his voice is a little shaky for once.]

It's not like that. I know... [Closes his eyes and just holds a breath softly before steadying it some more.] He is who he is Bushido. Always a wildfire and I wouldn't change that. For the world. Gakupo... [Just glances away again, shutting down words once more.]

You would not change it, yet it hurts, doesn't it? So is that true acceptance?

[He watches Marco for a moment longer before finally looking down himself]

I have tried to avoid opinion in such a matter... But Marco should not limit himself in such a way. [he's quiet though... limit himself like. only ace. ace who was a wildfire, right? ace who... was dead, right? those things did matter. he didn't want to say that, though. he just wanted marco to realize he was setting himself up for sadness with this... setting people up thing!]

[Tugs Japan down for a quick surprise kiss.]

I am not. That is why. Because I still love him too much that I can never be happy if he is not as much as I can help. Because I'd rather see Ace with a relative stranger than your female half. Because I asked Gakupo to intercede with you and changed my mind, but I have too much follow-through and since Sakura likes Gakupo I want to see them happy together and Ace and Luka together busies them with each other in a more neat and tidy way.

[Long blue-eyed gaze. There's more. A lot more. It's not even the tip of the iceberg but no other words seem to be forthcoming unless poked. Still, he hasn't started kidding around again yet, so it's probably a very rare opportunity to take advantage of quickly.]

[That kiss surprises him indeed, but not enough for a loud reaction. But he stares. All of these... ...]

Marco is so busy making everyone happy... [Japan searches him. There's so much he's not saying, right? He wants to know, but how's he supposed to ask?]

But I would like to see him happy.

[Stills. He doesn't know what to say to that. That he's always happy? That his happiness comes second? He just pulls Japan into a tight hug.]

Mn.

...

[Marco might notice Japan shaking a bit. He's... incredibly nervous for some reason, and sad on top of that. For Marco's sake. Yes he's gay shut up. But...]

The answer to that question... [What question? It was a long time ago... Would Marco remember? He's not sure. Trying to be blunt is difficult.] I realize now that it's "yes."

I'm happy. It's still a struggle. I want to smother him in affection but for his sake I must not. Perhaps for my own. I cannot... [Closes his eyes and wants to run away, to get up and walk off or curl up into a bird and not talk. Instead he pulls back from the hug slightly and breathes.] I cannot give him all he needs. I know this, though I wish it was otherwise. If he... if he... [Words seem stuck again.]

[It seemed like Marco missed what he was saying... But that was easy to do. Maybe he should be more direct...

But not yet.]

If he what?

Nn... [Leans his head against Japan.] Nothing. Foolish worry, eh?

...I do not believe that.

[He just-- this was strange. He had tried so long to help Seifer. He never helped him in the way he wanted to. Seifer always said he did, but... He didn't feel like it. It was sad. Is that what this was like?

Now he was trying to help Marco. Marco who had done so much to help him, and calmed him down, and was with him on this trip right now... Was he useless here, too? His pride didn't want to accept that so easily.]

Forgive me...

[For being so weak? Or so... ...He didn't know. But. He shifted and moved a hand to Marco's face, kissing him.]

Edited 2011-08-03 07:59 (UTC)

[Kisses back without opening his eyes. It was easy to joke, to act, to pretend like his own feelings didn't exist, always covered up in sheets of lies of indifference. But of course he still had them. Cried at losing Ace and Whitebeard, even with the whole of Marineford watching. He was focused on helping Ace figure out what Ace wanted, but Marco already knew what he himself wanted. And how to get it.]

No. [Kisses back harder, so much more insistently, and pins Japan against something without even looking.] Don't apologize for things I want. No regrets. [Pulls back momentarily and looks Japan over.] I need him to figure out what he really wants and know it for sure. [Nibbles on Japan's throat with small nips and bites, a hand threatening to undo the collar if not stopped. The word flow appears jammed again however.]

[What he wants... Well that sort of answered one question. Maybe. There wasn't any sign of surprise as he was pinned. It was there, but there were more important things on his face, of course. Like worry...

What Ace really wants. It still feels like so much isn't being said...]

Nn-- [His only reaction to the nibbling is a shy sort of shift in his position. It's sensitive there-- but while he doesn't move to stop Marco in any way, he doesn't seem willing to let it completely distract him, either.]

Won't he discover that on his own? Ah, sending more things in his direction... [He's trying to think of the reason. No, more like, the words... He thinks he knows what it is, but he doesn't know the solution, so how does that help?]

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