You're right, I don't know. I didn't want to diminish that pain either, or what I mean is... try to make it sound like it's not something that doesn't hurt or isn't a good reason to still be upset. I want to lessen the pain, not make it worse by acting like a tool.
[Sighs and sits down tugging Ace to sit down back to back with him so Marco can rest against him.]
My friend lost her family in her world. Permanently. She found them here in Luceti and she's always been really happy. That gave me a lot of hope. She recently lost them both in the same week, and it makes me... [Grits his teeth. He promised, he promised, he promised, why is this SO hard? Talking about things like this... There has got to be an easier way. But he can't tell Ace they should discuss things while it's calm and then not do it. Ahhhh fuck, he'll just have to charge on. It literally cannot be any worse than their fighting.] really scared about losing you and Sabo. Outliving one's family isn't something most people get, anymore than I get what it's like to die.
When you're hurting and upset about dying... it compounds the loss I feel. Most days I get over it. You're suffering and I -- [Don't have to be a child, don't have to be selfish, don't have to be so bloody immature] -- You know I do my best to try to ease that. It was just a bad day for it. Sort of harped on all the things I can't do. I can't bring you back to life, I can't take you back to our world. Even if I can do so much more than everyone else here, even if I can kick the barrier open and give you as much freedom as you want here, those will always be second-best efforts to make things better for you.
[He should have been there. If he hadn't been distracted by Squard, if he hadn't gotten worried about Pops again and gotten in seastone cuffs -- and all for what? Pops died there anyway, and he'd always meant to. Foolishness.
But no. Marco wouldn't start having regrets now or ever. No regrets, his Pops wouldn't approve of that if he did. What happened happened, and it wasn't about recycling the past; just figuring out where to go from here and using the past to set a better course for sailing.]
Ace, dying could be the worst thing possible and I believe you. I trust you, I know it's bad. I worry about you and Sabo constantly, and I know it's hard to love someone and watch them continue things without you there by their side and able to experience with them, especially when that was all you wanted most in life. That much, I certainly do know.
But, as strange as this may sound; you can't let your death dictate your life. You're stronger than that. And most days you do a great job of it. You're alive here and happy, there are going to be bad days where everything goes to shit, but if you were still alive back home, the limitations would be mostly the same here, right? It hurts, but I've seen you survive torture and people hating you, you fought with Jinbei for five days straight and then still tried to take Pops' head. Prove me wrong if you really want to, but I don't think you're the kind of man who'll let a little thing like death hold you back.
[Holds up a hand to stifle the inevitable interruption and grabs Ace's hand to hold and give a small squeeze.] And aye, I called it little not because it is, not because it shouldn't hurt, or that it should be easy to dismiss or ignore. It's not, and it isn't, and it never will be. But I've seen you achieve a lot of impossible things. I've seen you deal with extremely hard things. And I know if there is anyone here best suited for dealing with something painful and difficult, you'll find a way to stand strong. So in the grand big scheme of things, for you, even this the most terrible hurtful worst thing ever will be a little things you can and will overcome with aplomb. Got it?
And if I can ever make it easier on you, say the word and I'll do my best. Okay? Whether you want to talk about things -- [Dear god that makes him uncomfortable, but he means it, for Ace he'll do anything.] -- or ignore them sometimes and just horse around to live in the moment. You might have to drag me a little on the first one, but I'll still do it. Okay?
But you're not alone in this. I'm not dead, but that doesn't mean your death didn't, or rather doesn't hurt me Ace. Every day. I told you before I know you'd rather lose your life than Luffy's, but I'd always have rather sacrificed my life for yours. And I know you don't want that, but it does make me jealous that you could have that choice I can never experience. Not because I want to die, but because my struggle will always be the exact opposite. No matter what happens, I get to see how what I want will be lost, that some things can't be saved. Having you join the crew was one of the best days of my life. The day you died was the worst. I can't say I know what dying's like, but you can't say you know what watching everyone die around you is like either. You remember how you felt when Thatch died? Relive that for every single person you love. Oars Jr., Pops, Luffy, me, Sabo, your division, the Spade Pirates.
What I miss though; what really makes me sad isn't that it's inevitable, it's just less time I get to spend with those people. And I can't get that back.
So I know it's selfish, but having you here is literally a dream come true for me. More time with you isn't something I could have any other way, is it?
[Wow. So much words... SO Much thoughts he's had tumbling around for weeks and weeks and even during the fight that he couldn't articulate because he was so worked up. Even now, he's a little worked up, but certainly not emotional. Calm, just vehement.]
I'm sorry dying hurts, and there are a lot of people here who are dead in their own worlds and times. But don't give up on me just because things are going to shit right now, eh? We'll still find ways to claim our own piece of paradise here. [Turns and glomps Ace and gives him a light noogie.] Like the best birthday party ever. Thanks, eh?
Oh my god. TL;DR city get. It's like all the 3 weeks of feeeelings cleared up
You're right, I don't know. I didn't want to diminish that pain either, or what I mean is... try to make it sound like it's not something that doesn't hurt or isn't a good reason to still be upset. I want to lessen the pain, not make it worse by acting like a tool.
[Sighs and sits down tugging Ace to sit down back to back with him so Marco can rest against him.]
My friend lost her family in her world. Permanently. She found them here in Luceti and she's always been really happy. That gave me a lot of hope. She recently lost them both in the same week, and it makes me... [Grits his teeth. He promised, he promised, he promised, why is this SO hard? Talking about things like this... There has got to be an easier way. But he can't tell Ace they should discuss things while it's calm and then not do it. Ahhhh fuck, he'll just have to charge on. It literally cannot be any worse than their fighting.] really scared about losing you and Sabo. Outliving one's family isn't something most people get, anymore than I get what it's like to die.
When you're hurting and upset about dying... it compounds the loss I feel. Most days I get over it. You're suffering and I -- [Don't have to be a child, don't have to be selfish, don't have to be so bloody immature] -- You know I do my best to try to ease that. It was just a bad day for it. Sort of harped on all the things I can't do. I can't bring you back to life, I can't take you back to our world. Even if I can do so much more than everyone else here, even if I can kick the barrier open and give you as much freedom as you want here, those will always be second-best efforts to make things better for you.
[He should have been there. If he hadn't been distracted by Squard, if he hadn't gotten worried about Pops again and gotten in seastone cuffs -- and all for what? Pops died there anyway, and he'd always meant to. Foolishness.
But no. Marco wouldn't start having regrets now or ever. No regrets, his Pops wouldn't approve of that if he did. What happened happened, and it wasn't about recycling the past; just figuring out where to go from here and using the past to set a better course for sailing.]
Ace, dying could be the worst thing possible and I believe you. I trust you, I know it's bad. I worry about you and Sabo constantly, and I know it's hard to love someone and watch them continue things without you there by their side and able to experience with them, especially when that was all you wanted most in life. That much, I certainly do know.
But, as strange as this may sound; you can't let your death dictate your life. You're stronger than that. And most days you do a great job of it. You're alive here and happy, there are going to be bad days where everything goes to shit, but if you were still alive back home, the limitations would be mostly the same here, right? It hurts, but I've seen you survive torture and people hating you, you fought with Jinbei for five days straight and then still tried to take Pops' head. Prove me wrong if you really want to, but I don't think you're the kind of man who'll let a little thing like death hold you back.
[Holds up a hand to stifle the inevitable interruption and grabs Ace's hand to hold and give a small squeeze.] And aye, I called it little not because it is, not because it shouldn't hurt, or that it should be easy to dismiss or ignore. It's not, and it isn't, and it never will be. But I've seen you achieve a lot of impossible things. I've seen you deal with extremely hard things. And I know if there is anyone here best suited for dealing with something painful and difficult, you'll find a way to stand strong. So in the grand big scheme of things, for you, even this the most terrible hurtful worst thing ever will be a little things you can and will overcome with aplomb. Got it?
And if I can ever make it easier on you, say the word and I'll do my best. Okay? Whether you want to talk about things -- [Dear god that makes him uncomfortable, but he means it, for Ace he'll do anything.] -- or ignore them sometimes and just horse around to live in the moment. You might have to drag me a little on the first one, but I'll still do it. Okay?
But you're not alone in this. I'm not dead, but that doesn't mean your death didn't, or rather doesn't hurt me Ace. Every day. I told you before I know you'd rather lose your life than Luffy's, but I'd always have rather sacrificed my life for yours. And I know you don't want that, but it does make me jealous that you could have that choice I can never experience. Not because I want to die, but because my struggle will always be the exact opposite. No matter what happens, I get to see how what I want will be lost, that some things can't be saved. Having you join the crew was one of the best days of my life. The day you died was the worst. I can't say I know what dying's like, but you can't say you know what watching everyone die around you is like either. You remember how you felt when Thatch died? Relive that for every single person you love. Oars Jr., Pops, Luffy, me, Sabo, your division, the Spade Pirates.
What I miss though; what really makes me sad isn't that it's inevitable, it's just less time I get to spend with those people. And I can't get that back.
So I know it's selfish, but having you here is literally a dream come true for me. More time with you isn't something I could have any other way, is it?
[Wow. So much words... SO Much thoughts he's had tumbling around for weeks and weeks and even during the fight that he couldn't articulate because he was so worked up. Even now, he's a little worked up, but certainly not emotional. Calm, just vehement.]
I'm sorry dying hurts, and there are a lot of people here who are dead in their own worlds and times. But don't give up on me just because things are going to shit right now, eh? We'll still find ways to claim our own piece of paradise here. [Turns and glomps Ace and gives him a light noogie.] Like the best birthday party ever. Thanks, eh?