You really took me by surprised when you learned that so quickly! See? I knew you're smart!
Don't worry too much about keeping the chick warm. You can put your hood on if you get really worried, but people give off electricity and heat that should keep her safe and happy. And don't worry, I'm sure you'll come up with a great name for her!
As for going home:
My Pops told me that home is just wherever you're happiest. Pirates don't really have a home other than our ship, but even the ship is more like another crewmember because of the way she protects you and vice versa. Captain Ace and Thatch don't live back in our world, that's why I'm going to make sure they enjoy it here. The longer we spend in this world, the less I think of the world we came from as ours. Even when we were there, no one wanted us except our Pops and each other. The whole world said we shouldn't have been born, because we're pirates and monsters. It's not the same as being heartless I guess, but it's treated similar. So being here without anyone wanting us except each other, is pretty much the same. The only difference is now Ace and Thatch are alive so that makes me really happy.
You said you thought you shouldn't exist, but I'm glad you do. I don't want you to go away. I don't want anyone to go away. That's why we try so hard to protect each other. I know Mr. Marco isn't as good at listening as I am, but if you try hard, I think he'll try hard to listen too, even if he doesn't agree.
I'm really scared of losing Thatch and Ace again. Especially since it hurt so much the first time I lost them. That's a secret though. All of it. Sometimes it makes me too scared to keep trying to make new friends. I almost was too scared to be your friend too because I didn't want to get sad when you go. See, that's the worst part of being a phoenix. I can survive almost anything, but I can't always protect everyone I want to, and when they die, I can't bring them back. And it always hurts worse than anything else. I remember everyone I've ever loved, and I've lost a lot of people now. Sometimes it feels really overwhelming. I try to be as brave as Captain Ace about making more friends, but it's really hard. I don't want to forget anyone, and sometimes even the hurt is better than nothing at all. It's difficult.
I think when it comes to Lea, you probably feel like I do about Thatch. I lost him once already so I'm always scared that if I even look away he'll disappear again. I wish I could tell you how to fix that, but I guess it can't be fixed so easily. Maybe the only thing we can do is enjoy what extra time we have with them and not worry about the future. After all, even worrying won't change it or make us able to protect them. We just have to give it our best.
And I think that's why you and I exist. Phoenixes in my world aren't supposed to be anymore. And Ikki said once that he thinks the reason his world only had him as a phoenix was because if there was more than one phoenix we'd fight a lot. I'm not sure, because Ikki and I almost never fight, but it's very lonely sometimes. And that's why I think it's important to remember that we can make friends and family with people totally different from us. We exist to make friends with those people and teach them what it's like. To show them things they can't experience, to show them things that are too painful for them to handle, but so that they know it exists and can grow stronger for themselves and to fix it for other people. We exist in spite of that impossibility because the worlds need us to be that difference, and even when things are fleeting, we can still enjoy the short time with those we love.
These days I get really angry when people are being stupid. I love that you always ask questions. Mr. Marco likes that kind of thing too, so you should ask him lots of questions if you think of it. A lot of the rookies on this ocean don't ask any questions or they only ask about stuff that is stupid. Too many people forget what's really important, and that frustrates me because I can't even remind them. Love is eternal, and having fun is important, but instead they get distracted with stupid things like gold or bragging about how they strong they are. The truly strong don't have to tell you, if you can't tell on your own, everyone else will tell you for them. It's bugging Ikki too, all the rookies. I'm not sure what to do about it. Right now all the anger just builds, and I try to let it go slowly. But if you ever want help, you can call for me and I'll give you a hug and listen, okay?
I get jealous too. I'm not even sure what of anymore. Everything I suppose. And then I remember I have wings and the rest of people don't. It doesn't make it better, but it does help to remember that we all have different things and even when we're jealous of other people, we have things that they're jealous too. So I guess the only thing that we can do about it is trade what we can and help each other out or something.
Sometimes I'm really mad at myself for getting to spend time with Ace and Thatch when the rest of my brothers aren't here. It feels like I should do more to help them, or do more to make up for the others, or do more to appreciate them since I'm lucky in getting to spend extra time with them at all. But I don't know how to do those things. I guess if I told Ace or Thatch they would both just say I don't need to try so hard. I just have to be here. So I think that should go for you too. You don't have to try so hard, just be here, we're glad to have you.
Sometimes I hate most of all that I'll exist beyond the others. Because of my phoenix thing. It's a selfish ability, and even when I try to use it to protect people, there's only so much I can do. If I could give it away for Ace or Thatch, I would, but they wouldn't let me. I wonder if Lea feels like that too. There's no right answer to that kind of thing, it just hurts and I hate it. Usually when I get upset with all that hate I just go flying so I can remember how the wind and waves feel. It doesn't make it go away or stop hurting, but the love of everything else helps drown it out. Want to come flying before I go on the mission with Marco? I'll show you a trick.
4/20/2014
Hello again!!
You really took me by surprised when you learned that so quickly! See? I knew you're smart!
Don't worry too much about keeping the chick warm. You can put your hood on if you get really worried, but people give off electricity and heat that should keep her safe and happy. And don't worry, I'm sure you'll come up with a great name for her!
As for going home:
My Pops told me that home is just wherever you're happiest. Pirates don't really have a home other than our ship, but even the ship is more like another crewmember because of the way she protects you and vice versa. Captain Ace and Thatch don't live back in our world, that's why I'm going to make sure they enjoy it here. The longer we spend in this world, the less I think of the world we came from as ours. Even when we were there, no one wanted us except our Pops and each other. The whole world said we shouldn't have been born, because we're pirates and monsters. It's not the same as being heartless I guess, but it's treated similar. So being here without anyone wanting us except each other, is pretty much the same. The only difference is now Ace and Thatch are alive so that makes me really happy.
You said you thought you shouldn't exist, but I'm glad you do. I don't want you to go away. I don't want anyone to go away. That's why we try so hard to protect each other. I know Mr. Marco isn't as good at listening as I am, but if you try hard, I think he'll try hard to listen too, even if he doesn't agree.
I'm really scared of losing Thatch and Ace again. Especially since it hurt so much the first time I lost them. That's a secret though. All of it. Sometimes it makes me too scared to keep trying to make new friends. I almost was too scared to be your friend too because I didn't want to get sad when you go. See, that's the worst part of being a phoenix. I can survive almost anything, but I can't always protect everyone I want to, and when they die, I can't bring them back. And it always hurts worse than anything else. I remember everyone I've ever loved, and I've lost a lot of people now. Sometimes it feels really overwhelming. I try to be as brave as Captain Ace about making more friends, but it's really hard. I don't want to forget anyone, and sometimes even the hurt is better than nothing at all. It's difficult.
I think when it comes to Lea, you probably feel like I do about Thatch. I lost him once already so I'm always scared that if I even look away he'll disappear again. I wish I could tell you how to fix that, but I guess it can't be fixed so easily. Maybe the only thing we can do is enjoy what extra time we have with them and not worry about the future. After all, even worrying won't change it or make us able to protect them. We just have to give it our best.
And I think that's why you and I exist. Phoenixes in my world aren't supposed to be anymore. And Ikki said once that he thinks the reason his world only had him as a phoenix was because if there was more than one phoenix we'd fight a lot. I'm not sure, because Ikki and I almost never fight, but it's very lonely sometimes. And that's why I think it's important to remember that we can make friends and family with people totally different from us. We exist to make friends with those people and teach them what it's like. To show them things they can't experience, to show them things that are too painful for them to handle, but so that they know it exists and can grow stronger for themselves and to fix it for other people. We exist in spite of that impossibility because the worlds need us to be that difference, and even when things are fleeting, we can still enjoy the short time with those we love.
These days I get really angry when people are being stupid. I love that you always ask questions. Mr. Marco likes that kind of thing too, so you should ask him lots of questions if you think of it. A lot of the rookies on this ocean don't ask any questions or they only ask about stuff that is stupid. Too many people forget what's really important, and that frustrates me because I can't even remind them. Love is eternal, and having fun is important, but instead they get distracted with stupid things like gold or bragging about how they strong they are. The truly strong don't have to tell you, if you can't tell on your own, everyone else will tell you for them. It's bugging Ikki too, all the rookies. I'm not sure what to do about it. Right now all the anger just builds, and I try to let it go slowly. But if you ever want help, you can call for me and I'll give you a hug and listen, okay?
I get jealous too. I'm not even sure what of anymore. Everything I suppose. And then I remember I have wings and the rest of people don't. It doesn't make it better, but it does help to remember that we all have different things and even when we're jealous of other people, we have things that they're jealous too. So I guess the only thing that we can do about it is trade what we can and help each other out or something.
Sometimes I'm really mad at myself for getting to spend time with Ace and Thatch when the rest of my brothers aren't here. It feels like I should do more to help them, or do more to make up for the others, or do more to appreciate them since I'm lucky in getting to spend extra time with them at all. But I don't know how to do those things. I guess if I told Ace or Thatch they would both just say I don't need to try so hard. I just have to be here. So I think that should go for you too. You don't have to try so hard, just be here, we're glad to have you.
Sometimes I hate most of all that I'll exist beyond the others. Because of my phoenix thing. It's a selfish ability, and even when I try to use it to protect people, there's only so much I can do. If I could give it away for Ace or Thatch, I would, but they wouldn't let me. I wonder if Lea feels like that too. There's no right answer to that kind of thing, it just hurts and I hate it. Usually when I get upset with all that hate I just go flying so I can remember how the wind and waves feel. It doesn't make it go away or stop hurting, but the love of everything else helps drown it out. Want to come flying before I go on the mission with Marco? I'll show you a trick.
- Xifer