I'm happy. It's still a struggle. I want to smother him in affection but for his sake I must not. Perhaps for my own. I cannot... [Closes his eyes and wants to run away, to get up and walk off or curl up into a bird and not talk. Instead he pulls back from the hug slightly and breathes.] I cannot give him all he needs. I know this, though I wish it was otherwise. If he... if he... [Words seem stuck again.]