fierybluebird | Appointment Post 2.0 since the other is pretty full

[A small shrug.] Sorry, eh?

[For the fight, for the underlying causes he knows aren't completely resolved and everything else involved.] You'll be okay? I'm trusting you on that Ace. [And his trust on Ace not coming home battered and bruises is taking its own beating in the last year and a half.]

[He nods in return.] I'll be fine. If anything happens, I'll contact you over the journal right away. I just... [He's silent before sighing.] I've got to figure something out.

[Continues the soft look. He's not sure whether to ask, if Ace wanted him to know what it was, he wouldn't be taking off to get space right? But if he brought it up this much... Well, if nothing else Ace could just not answer.]

Mind if I ask what that is?

[He expected Marco to ask, but he didn't want to tell him unless Marco directly asked him what it was about. He just hopes Marco doesn't... well, get a little annoyed or angry.] It's about Roger.

[Just gives him a flat look. "What is there puzzle out about him?" He wants to say. "Forget about him already. What does he even matter at this point?" But if it was that simple Ace wouldn't be taking off alone to go puzzle through it, now would he?]

Oh?

[Clearly unimpressed.] What about him?

[He'd rather Marco didn't press it, but he does deserve this much. But any more questions, and Ace won't want to answer.] I learned some stuff about him. And I don't think he's the kind of person I thought he was.

Edited 2012-10-12 05:23 (UTC)

[Marco is pretty damn taken aback by that. Of things he never thought he'd hear Ace say, that was definitely near the top of the list. Hell, it took Ace forever just to realize Whitebeard wasn't the kind of person he thought; and that was while living with him and several hundred people who all tried to show him otherwise.]

I won't press it if you want to go or you still need to work it out, [Holds up both hands in surrender.] but just what kind of person do you think he is now?

[That question presents the entire problem Ace is having right now. He sighs, frustrated, looking at the ground.] That's just it. I don't know. I've been told he was a terrible person, and he's the cause of so much hate. Now I'm told he was a great captain, and a good man.

[There's a pretty soft grin at that. Marco remembering all the times Ace was like this at the start of his joining the crew. As much as they fought about it in Luceti, in a way Marco really did find it cute of his younger brother.]

Ace...

Okay, you can go alone. But let me just say; a lot of people in our world are hated. And a lot of them are loved by those that matter to them. Do you think Pops was universally adored? We had the islands, and he had the biggest family of anyone, but the government, people like Crocodile, hundreds of rookies that failed, they all despise him. They think he's a monster. We know better.

Roger was a lot of things to a lot of different people. But even if the whole world hated him, I don't think he'd have cared.

You're a very different person from him. No matter what he did or who he was, you're not Roger. You don't carry any responsibility for him, got it?

But I knew Pops. I got to be with him, and actually know what he was like. The only things I can ever know about Roger I have to have told to me. I didn't care about people who hated Pops because I knew better.

[He lays down on the bed, covering his eyes with his arm.] But if people scorn me for being Roger's son, I can't tell them otherwise because I have no idea who he was.

You should tell them otherwise because you're Pops' son. Because they didn't bother getting to know you. And that has nothing to do with Roger. Would you feel this way if they hated you for being my brother? Or Luffy's? Or Garp's grandson?

Marco, this is the guy who has made a huge impact on my entire life. I can't just ignore him and pretend he's not there. I don't like him, and I probably never will. As much as I hate him... he's my dad, too. He helped bring me into the world. For that much, I at least need to know about him, and give him the credit he deserves. But only for that.

[He bristles at Ace calling Roger his "Dad," but calms his feathers down at the rest.]

I'm not suggesting you ignore him, but so long as you keep thinking there's something to blood, you won't be able to tell others off either.

Ahhh go figure things out, eh? [Ruffles Ace's hair.] I'm trusting you to come back in one piece. [Because no matter how often Ace proves he probably shouldn't still have that trust, it'll never outweigh all the other non-mistakes in Marco's book. Nakama and all that.]

[He notices Marco bristle, and pats his head after the ruffle.] He's never going to be a father to me the way Pops is. I might think differently of him, but I still don't want to have anything to do with him. Pops is my only dad.

[He hugs Marco tightly, and nods his head confidently.] And I'll come back okay. [...] We need to talk about the fight, after all.

Right... sure... talking about that.

[Ahahahahahah. Good luck dragging that out of him Ace.]

I know it's gonna be hard, but we have to, Marco. We both said some really stupid things, and we have to try and fix them.

You want to wait until you get back though?

... not really. I want to talk about it as soon as possible, but you don't really seem comfortable talking about it now.

I'm not going to be more comfortable when you get back, and I'd rather get this over with as soon as possible.

I just don't want to make it worse by saying something stupid, or if you need time to think it out too.

There's not really much to think out. We just need to say what we want clearer. We were... too angry last time. [He leans against Marco.] I'm sorry I kicked you out of my room that time, too.

Agreed on the clearer. [Hugs Ace and pats his shoulder.] I'm glad you did though. I really needed the air. Normally we just kick and punch and be done with it, eh?

[Takes a deep breath.] And I guess some of this should probably come out more often... before it boils over like this again.

I think we both really needed some space after that.

[He stays quiet for a while, but eventually nods.] We shouldn't keep it bottled up. I guess you're right for telling me to tell you whenever I want to talk about something. We could avoid stuff like that.

It's just hard since... you don't know how much dying hurts.

[Freezes... and nods very slowly.]

You're right, I don't know. I didn't want to diminish that pain either, or what I mean is... try to make it sound like it's not something that doesn't hurt or isn't a good reason to still be upset. I want to lessen the pain, not make it worse by acting like a tool.

[Sighs and sits down tugging Ace to sit down back to back with him so Marco can rest against him.]

My friend lost her family in her world. Permanently. She found them here in Luceti and she's always been really happy. That gave me a lot of hope. She recently lost them both in the same week, and it makes me... [Grits his teeth. He promised, he promised, he promised, why is this SO hard? Talking about things like this... There has got to be an easier way. But he can't tell Ace they should discuss things while it's calm and then not do it. Ahhhh fuck, he'll just have to charge on. It literally cannot be any worse than their fighting.] really scared about losing you and Sabo. Outliving one's family isn't something most people get, anymore than I get what it's like to die.

When you're hurting and upset about dying... it compounds the loss I feel. Most days I get over it. You're suffering and I -- [Don't have to be a child, don't have to be selfish, don't have to be so bloody immature] -- You know I do my best to try to ease that. It was just a bad day for it. Sort of harped on all the things I can't do. I can't bring you back to life, I can't take you back to our world. Even if I can do so much more than everyone else here, even if I can kick the barrier open and give you as much freedom as you want here, those will always be second-best efforts to make things better for you.

[He should have been there. If he hadn't been distracted by Squard, if he hadn't gotten worried about Pops again and gotten in seastone cuffs -- and all for what? Pops died there anyway, and he'd always meant to. Foolishness.

But no. Marco wouldn't start having regrets now or ever. No regrets, his Pops wouldn't approve of that if he did. What happened happened, and it wasn't about recycling the past; just figuring out where to go from here and using the past to set a better course for sailing.]

Ace, dying could be the worst thing possible and I believe you. I trust you, I know it's bad. I worry about you and Sabo constantly, and I know it's hard to love someone and watch them continue things without you there by their side and able to experience with them, especially when that was all you wanted most in life. That much, I certainly do know.

But, as strange as this may sound; you can't let your death dictate your life. You're stronger than that. And most days you do a great job of it. You're alive here and happy, there are going to be bad days where everything goes to shit, but if you were still alive back home, the limitations would be mostly the same here, right? It hurts, but I've seen you survive torture and people hating you, you fought with Jinbei for five days straight and then still tried to take Pops' head. Prove me wrong if you really want to, but I don't think you're the kind of man who'll let a little thing like death hold you back.

[Holds up a hand to stifle the inevitable interruption and grabs Ace's hand to hold and give a small squeeze.] And aye, I called it little not because it is, not because it shouldn't hurt, or that it should be easy to dismiss or ignore. It's not, and it isn't, and it never will be. But I've seen you achieve a lot of impossible things. I've seen you deal with extremely hard things. And I know if there is anyone here best suited for dealing with something painful and difficult, you'll find a way to stand strong. So in the grand big scheme of things, for you, even this the most terrible hurtful worst thing ever will be a little things you can and will overcome with aplomb. Got it?

And if I can ever make it easier on you, say the word and I'll do my best. Okay? Whether you want to talk about things -- [Dear god that makes him uncomfortable, but he means it, for Ace he'll do anything.] -- or ignore them sometimes and just horse around to live in the moment. You might have to drag me a little on the first one, but I'll still do it. Okay?

But you're not alone in this. I'm not dead, but that doesn't mean your death didn't, or rather doesn't hurt me Ace. Every day. I told you before I know you'd rather lose your life than Luffy's, but I'd always have rather sacrificed my life for yours. And I know you don't want that, but it does make me jealous that you could have that choice I can never experience. Not because I want to die, but because my struggle will always be the exact opposite. No matter what happens, I get to see how what I want will be lost, that some things can't be saved. Having you join the crew was one of the best days of my life. The day you died was the worst. I can't say I know what dying's like, but you can't say you know what watching everyone die around you is like either. You remember how you felt when Thatch died? Relive that for every single person you love. Oars Jr., Pops, Luffy, me, Sabo, your division, the Spade Pirates.

What I miss though; what really makes me sad isn't that it's inevitable, it's just less time I get to spend with those people. And I can't get that back.

So I know it's selfish, but having you here is literally a dream come true for me. More time with you isn't something I could have any other way, is it?

[Wow. So much words... SO Much thoughts he's had tumbling around for weeks and weeks and even during the fight that he couldn't articulate because he was so worked up. Even now, he's a little worked up, but certainly not emotional. Calm, just vehement.]

I'm sorry dying hurts, and there are a lot of people here who are dead in their own worlds and times. But don't give up on me just because things are going to shit right now, eh? We'll still find ways to claim our own piece of paradise here. [Turns and glomps Ace and gives him a light noogie.] Like the best birthday party ever. Thanks, eh?

[He wants to interrupt so many times through this whole talk, but deep down he knows it would be best to just let Marco talk it out. It's really hard, but he does it. He'll have plenty to tell him after he's through. For now, he just rests against him and listens. Marco... was he really holding all of this in? He gives Marco's hand a little squeeze to keep him there, and for comfort. Ace hoped he would talk about this more. Though Marco says he doesn't understand, he's certainly doing a good job of knowing how Ace feels. And yet at the same time, not completely.

When Marco hugs him he embraces him back tightly, and refuses to let go. A few tears begin to fall, but he doesn't care at the time.] I'm saying this now, and don't you even think of arguing it. Nothing you ever do will be second best. You're right, I want to go home and be with everyone. But like I said, I know I can't, and you promising to make this place as great as possible for me has meant everything. It's not the home I want, but it's still home, and I'm glad I have it, and I'm even happier that you've made it so much better. You have, Marco, you've really made Luceti better for me. So don't worry about bringing me back to life, because I'm alive here, and that's what counts.

And I... I don't want to let my death keep getting in the way. But I can't ignore it. It's just... really hard to keep moving on from it sometimes. I wake up every morning and look at the scar and remember it all. [A shaky sigh.] I try not to think about it, I really do, but... it's not that easy.

[He takes deep breaths to try and calm himself a little so his emotions don't take over. Not anger, but sadness. He'd rather not break down right now.] This is what I meant before. I know you have faith that I can move on from all this stuff, but it doesn't mean anything if I don't know how to move on from it. And I'm not sure how to ask you to help.

[He tugs Marco just a little closer, if not for the only reason of feeling more secure.] I promise, though... I'll never give up.

[He just takes a deep breath and hugs Ace back warmly, trying to hold onto him forever in all just that one instant.]

It's not something that can be ignored, anymore than I still think about Thatch and the others. But we keep going forward. I don't want you thinking that death really means there's no more forward to go though. Like you said and I said, you'll find a way. And we'll do it together. Got it?

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. Anymore than being Pops' son means you have to ignore Roger. It means though, that you can be Pops son. You can be happy being you and you don't have to live tied down by those things. You can be sad, and miserable and hurt about it all, just don't let it be the only thing you feel here. Hate Akainu, hate Blackbeard, hate anyone you want. Just remember you're also REALLY loved and you are truly surrounded by that more than hate, more than sorrow or regrets. Okay? You've got a chance to make a life here. It'll never be perfect, but it wouldn't be perfect back home either, eh?

Just one small step at a time, Ace. You don't have to run it or get to the end or even know where you're going, just start walking it and I'll be by your side, I promise.

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BTW THAT SHOULD SAY OCT 8TH, NOT SEPT.

ffff Oct 8th; which it totally was all along >>;

yes, yes it was

B)

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Oh my god. TL;DR city get. It's like all the 3 weeks of feeeelings cleared up

I think this is the longest tag I've ever gotten. not from you, just in general

ahahaha ikr? You should see the rest of that Smoker post holy cow @_@ People should not let me RP