fierybluebird | Appointment Post 2.0 since the other is pretty full

[He bristles at Ace calling Roger his "Dad," but calms his feathers down at the rest.]

I'm not suggesting you ignore him, but so long as you keep thinking there's something to blood, you won't be able to tell others off either.

Ahhh go figure things out, eh? [Ruffles Ace's hair.] I'm trusting you to come back in one piece. [Because no matter how often Ace proves he probably shouldn't still have that trust, it'll never outweigh all the other non-mistakes in Marco's book. Nakama and all that.]

[He notices Marco bristle, and pats his head after the ruffle.] He's never going to be a father to me the way Pops is. I might think differently of him, but I still don't want to have anything to do with him. Pops is my only dad.

[He hugs Marco tightly, and nods his head confidently.] And I'll come back okay. [...] We need to talk about the fight, after all.

Right... sure... talking about that.

[Ahahahahahah. Good luck dragging that out of him Ace.]

I know it's gonna be hard, but we have to, Marco. We both said some really stupid things, and we have to try and fix them.

You want to wait until you get back though?

... not really. I want to talk about it as soon as possible, but you don't really seem comfortable talking about it now.

I'm not going to be more comfortable when you get back, and I'd rather get this over with as soon as possible.

I just don't want to make it worse by saying something stupid, or if you need time to think it out too.

There's not really much to think out. We just need to say what we want clearer. We were... too angry last time. [He leans against Marco.] I'm sorry I kicked you out of my room that time, too.

Agreed on the clearer. [Hugs Ace and pats his shoulder.] I'm glad you did though. I really needed the air. Normally we just kick and punch and be done with it, eh?

[Takes a deep breath.] And I guess some of this should probably come out more often... before it boils over like this again.

I think we both really needed some space after that.

[He stays quiet for a while, but eventually nods.] We shouldn't keep it bottled up. I guess you're right for telling me to tell you whenever I want to talk about something. We could avoid stuff like that.

It's just hard since... you don't know how much dying hurts.

[Freezes... and nods very slowly.]

You're right, I don't know. I didn't want to diminish that pain either, or what I mean is... try to make it sound like it's not something that doesn't hurt or isn't a good reason to still be upset. I want to lessen the pain, not make it worse by acting like a tool.

[Sighs and sits down tugging Ace to sit down back to back with him so Marco can rest against him.]

My friend lost her family in her world. Permanently. She found them here in Luceti and she's always been really happy. That gave me a lot of hope. She recently lost them both in the same week, and it makes me... [Grits his teeth. He promised, he promised, he promised, why is this SO hard? Talking about things like this... There has got to be an easier way. But he can't tell Ace they should discuss things while it's calm and then not do it. Ahhhh fuck, he'll just have to charge on. It literally cannot be any worse than their fighting.] really scared about losing you and Sabo. Outliving one's family isn't something most people get, anymore than I get what it's like to die.

When you're hurting and upset about dying... it compounds the loss I feel. Most days I get over it. You're suffering and I -- [Don't have to be a child, don't have to be selfish, don't have to be so bloody immature] -- You know I do my best to try to ease that. It was just a bad day for it. Sort of harped on all the things I can't do. I can't bring you back to life, I can't take you back to our world. Even if I can do so much more than everyone else here, even if I can kick the barrier open and give you as much freedom as you want here, those will always be second-best efforts to make things better for you.

[He should have been there. If he hadn't been distracted by Squard, if he hadn't gotten worried about Pops again and gotten in seastone cuffs -- and all for what? Pops died there anyway, and he'd always meant to. Foolishness.

But no. Marco wouldn't start having regrets now or ever. No regrets, his Pops wouldn't approve of that if he did. What happened happened, and it wasn't about recycling the past; just figuring out where to go from here and using the past to set a better course for sailing.]

Ace, dying could be the worst thing possible and I believe you. I trust you, I know it's bad. I worry about you and Sabo constantly, and I know it's hard to love someone and watch them continue things without you there by their side and able to experience with them, especially when that was all you wanted most in life. That much, I certainly do know.

But, as strange as this may sound; you can't let your death dictate your life. You're stronger than that. And most days you do a great job of it. You're alive here and happy, there are going to be bad days where everything goes to shit, but if you were still alive back home, the limitations would be mostly the same here, right? It hurts, but I've seen you survive torture and people hating you, you fought with Jinbei for five days straight and then still tried to take Pops' head. Prove me wrong if you really want to, but I don't think you're the kind of man who'll let a little thing like death hold you back.

[Holds up a hand to stifle the inevitable interruption and grabs Ace's hand to hold and give a small squeeze.] And aye, I called it little not because it is, not because it shouldn't hurt, or that it should be easy to dismiss or ignore. It's not, and it isn't, and it never will be. But I've seen you achieve a lot of impossible things. I've seen you deal with extremely hard things. And I know if there is anyone here best suited for dealing with something painful and difficult, you'll find a way to stand strong. So in the grand big scheme of things, for you, even this the most terrible hurtful worst thing ever will be a little things you can and will overcome with aplomb. Got it?

And if I can ever make it easier on you, say the word and I'll do my best. Okay? Whether you want to talk about things -- [Dear god that makes him uncomfortable, but he means it, for Ace he'll do anything.] -- or ignore them sometimes and just horse around to live in the moment. You might have to drag me a little on the first one, but I'll still do it. Okay?

But you're not alone in this. I'm not dead, but that doesn't mean your death didn't, or rather doesn't hurt me Ace. Every day. I told you before I know you'd rather lose your life than Luffy's, but I'd always have rather sacrificed my life for yours. And I know you don't want that, but it does make me jealous that you could have that choice I can never experience. Not because I want to die, but because my struggle will always be the exact opposite. No matter what happens, I get to see how what I want will be lost, that some things can't be saved. Having you join the crew was one of the best days of my life. The day you died was the worst. I can't say I know what dying's like, but you can't say you know what watching everyone die around you is like either. You remember how you felt when Thatch died? Relive that for every single person you love. Oars Jr., Pops, Luffy, me, Sabo, your division, the Spade Pirates.

What I miss though; what really makes me sad isn't that it's inevitable, it's just less time I get to spend with those people. And I can't get that back.

So I know it's selfish, but having you here is literally a dream come true for me. More time with you isn't something I could have any other way, is it?

[Wow. So much words... SO Much thoughts he's had tumbling around for weeks and weeks and even during the fight that he couldn't articulate because he was so worked up. Even now, he's a little worked up, but certainly not emotional. Calm, just vehement.]

I'm sorry dying hurts, and there are a lot of people here who are dead in their own worlds and times. But don't give up on me just because things are going to shit right now, eh? We'll still find ways to claim our own piece of paradise here. [Turns and glomps Ace and gives him a light noogie.] Like the best birthday party ever. Thanks, eh?

[He wants to interrupt so many times through this whole talk, but deep down he knows it would be best to just let Marco talk it out. It's really hard, but he does it. He'll have plenty to tell him after he's through. For now, he just rests against him and listens. Marco... was he really holding all of this in? He gives Marco's hand a little squeeze to keep him there, and for comfort. Ace hoped he would talk about this more. Though Marco says he doesn't understand, he's certainly doing a good job of knowing how Ace feels. And yet at the same time, not completely.

When Marco hugs him he embraces him back tightly, and refuses to let go. A few tears begin to fall, but he doesn't care at the time.] I'm saying this now, and don't you even think of arguing it. Nothing you ever do will be second best. You're right, I want to go home and be with everyone. But like I said, I know I can't, and you promising to make this place as great as possible for me has meant everything. It's not the home I want, but it's still home, and I'm glad I have it, and I'm even happier that you've made it so much better. You have, Marco, you've really made Luceti better for me. So don't worry about bringing me back to life, because I'm alive here, and that's what counts.

And I... I don't want to let my death keep getting in the way. But I can't ignore it. It's just... really hard to keep moving on from it sometimes. I wake up every morning and look at the scar and remember it all. [A shaky sigh.] I try not to think about it, I really do, but... it's not that easy.

[He takes deep breaths to try and calm himself a little so his emotions don't take over. Not anger, but sadness. He'd rather not break down right now.] This is what I meant before. I know you have faith that I can move on from all this stuff, but it doesn't mean anything if I don't know how to move on from it. And I'm not sure how to ask you to help.

[He tugs Marco just a little closer, if not for the only reason of feeling more secure.] I promise, though... I'll never give up.

[He just takes a deep breath and hugs Ace back warmly, trying to hold onto him forever in all just that one instant.]

It's not something that can be ignored, anymore than I still think about Thatch and the others. But we keep going forward. I don't want you thinking that death really means there's no more forward to go though. Like you said and I said, you'll find a way. And we'll do it together. Got it?

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting. Anymore than being Pops' son means you have to ignore Roger. It means though, that you can be Pops son. You can be happy being you and you don't have to live tied down by those things. You can be sad, and miserable and hurt about it all, just don't let it be the only thing you feel here. Hate Akainu, hate Blackbeard, hate anyone you want. Just remember you're also REALLY loved and you are truly surrounded by that more than hate, more than sorrow or regrets. Okay? You've got a chance to make a life here. It'll never be perfect, but it wouldn't be perfect back home either, eh?

Just one small step at a time, Ace. You don't have to run it or get to the end or even know where you're going, just start walking it and I'll be by your side, I promise.

Death has always been the end, it's hard to figure out where to move forward. Finding a way has been a huge challenge. You really think we can find one?

[He cracks a smile eventually.] You never let me forget how loved I am. I won't lie, it was better back home. But I'm happy with what I have here, too.

[He nods firmly.] Thank you.

Absolutely. Think of it like getting to Raftel, only to realize, there's another whole ocean there instead, just crammed into a tiny little barrier'd place with weird as hell Malnosso and everyone's a sky islander with spirit magic.

Just because the end happened; if there's more, we're pirates. We'll take that more and get every last drop of fun and excitement and adventure out of it, eh?

[Another hug.] It has always been my pleasure Ace. More than that. An honor, okay?

[He stares at Marco for a moment before nodding.] Yeah. We'll have more fun.

[He buries himself in the hug. But dkgdnjfmg bro.] It's not... that great.

We always do, eh?

[Ruffles Ace's head.] Yes, it is. I won't tell you how much to hurt or not, you don't tell me how much to enjoy having known you and the others, got it? [Affectionate hug squish.]

It's what we're known for.

[dkgjdkfg bro, you are too good.] Love you.

Best thing to be known for.

Love you too Ace. [Ruffle ruffle ruffle.]

[He grins, but eventually swats his hand away.] I'm glad we got that cleared up.

[Takes a deep breath. This is the part where he'd joke around because FUCK EMOTIONS. He throws them on the ground!]

[But no, that's why he had to say everything without interruption before. So he wouldn't run and start joking all over to deflect. No sense screwing that up now.]

Me too actually. I still would rather just throw kicks and punches from now on, but I meant what I said too. That we should try to... address these things before they bubble over. Agreed? [If they can even be spotted before then? But don't worry Ace, Marco's really saying it more for himself. It's something he knows he needs to work on.]

[NO MARCO, YOU NEED EMOTIONS.

He hums in agreement with that statement.] Sometimes words are gonna work better than fists. And I think the next time this happens when we have a bad day, we just need to take a little time to breath before talking.

[No! He won't be part of your system! MAN!]

That sounds reasonable. Or maybe in the middle of it, eh? And we'll get food. That way we have to take our time. [And Ace might fall asleep so Marco will have plenty of time to be his normal chill self.]

Oh, I like that plan a lot. [Because food. *u*]

All right, new rule. We'll discuss things and have at least one meal together every day just to talk these things through. Sabo has to be there too so he can get things off his head and that way we don't upset him. So he knows what's going on instead of just what he picks up accidentally. It'll be less confusing for him, and better for all three of us, eh?

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

Oh my god. TL;DR city get. It's like all the 3 weeks of feeeelings cleared up

I think this is the longest tag I've ever gotten. not from you, just in general

ahahaha ikr? You should see the rest of that Smoker post holy cow @_@ People should not let me RP

Smoker's post was just kfjngdfjk SO MUCH. and we will forever let you RP

I knoooow and still is @_@, and PSSH Nooez you don't know what you're setting yourself up for

YES I DO and I like it

Liiiies all lies

Neverrrrr

YEAH-HUH

NUH-UUUUH

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject