fierybluebird | [Audio/Action]

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AAAAACCCEEEE!!!!!

[Hark! It's the roar of an angry phoenix in pirate form.]

MY SHAMPOO?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Oh god it's even in my feathers! MY FEATHERS ACE!!! AHHH WHY'D YOU HAVE TO PICK RED?! Even raven black would have been better! I look like I hero-worship Shanks now! I swear when I find you Ace!

[For anyone getting a good look in the journal, Marco's hair has been badly dyed red, oh yeah and he looks every bit as ticked off as he sounds. Later on however, he'll be sporting a fedora to cover up that Akagami-wannabe look, and looking for hair dye remover. Or bleach. Or as a last resort, black hair dye. Anything's better than red with him. He will also be putting up posters: "Ever want to be a pirate? Join the Whitebeards! Limited time offer" though more on that later. And even more than that, a certain usually very blue bird will have a slightly red and purple tinge to his feathers for a little while. So not pleased. Still, he'll be around to help out any New Feathers or someone needing directions to town. And if anything, he arguably looks more like a traditional phoenix. Not that he wants that.]

[Later on that night when he stops trying to beat Ace to a pulp there will be a second very short post.]

Does anyone have hair dye remover, bleach, or something in black? I couldn't find any in the shop. Thanks, eh.

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[sdkvjdsg and he jerks up, holding his head.] What the hell was that for!? I was sleeping, you dumbass!

You were being sleep stupid. [Deadpan.]

[He rubs his eyes and just glares at you, annoyed.] Wanna explain that so I'll actually understand it?

You said you didn't protect Luffy at Marineford. And if you say that again I'll strangle you.

[His eyes widen at first before he looks a little guilty. Not gonna make eye contact now.] Shit, it wasn't a dream...

[HUGS HIM HARD.] You're an idiot, but you're our idiot.

You protect Luffy more than anyone. Don't. Just... [Shakes his head.] Don't ever let yourself doubt or think otherwise or I mean it, I'll fight you.

[He hugs him back and buries his face.] S-Sorry.

[Hugs and pats his shoulders.] What am I going to do with you Fireworks?

[He simply shrugs and hums quietly for a brief moment. He doesn't even know what he's going to do with himself.]

I'm thinking keep feeding you and remind you of reality until you get it. Worked before a little, right?

[He gives him a light tipped smile, and just lean against him. That smile is gone soon enough, though.]

Ace, come on. I'm serious.

How do you not see this?

You don't know how desperate he sounded. You didn't feel how much he clung to me, yelled at me that I was lying, screaming to get my wounds checked. You didn't hear how he pleaded to the doctor. [His voice is cold and biting, but a few tears fall from his eyes.]

Yeah, it's really "protecting him" if I caused him that much pain.

Ace... [His eyes are tearing up and he leans his head against Ace's, as if they can share their thoughts through a physical osmosis.]

He wouldn't have even been alive to say that much, if you hadn't protected him like you did. If Pops had done that for you, would you have reacted differently than Luffy? I-it's not like you could have saved him otherwise... you just...

[Marco's starting to break, his voice getting less than solid and the tears threatening to take him over.]

[When he hears Marco's voice breaking, he keeps his head against his brother's but hugs him tight.]

Hey... [He soothingly rubs his back. At first, he didn't understand why Marco was about to cry, but then it hit him. They didn't get to protect Pops... he swallows before answering.]

It wouldn't be the same with me and Pops like it was with me and Luffy It was... it was time for him to go. At least by the way you made it sound. F-for Luffy... I've never heard him so crushed in my life.

It wasn't just Pops you idiot. [He doesn't cry, his mild irritation with Ace's general stupidity helping him through that. At least it's useful for something.]

It was you too. We wanted to save you too.

The only reason we forgive ourselves is because you were protecting Luffy, as we'll try to continue to do in the future. So don't you dare say it wasn't enough or that you didn't save him. You did, and that's the way it is.

[There's something Ace has been dying to ask for age, but he never quite found the words. For now, he just winces, and keeps his gaze lowered.]

I protected him. [Even he knows this. He saved his brother's life, and he was glad for that.] But I hurt him just as much as I saved him. And I hate that.

[He rests his head against Marco's shoulder.] D... do you guys... [Ace just closes his mouth, slowly shaking his head. He can't say it sometimes.]

Ace... you can't blame yourself for dying to protect someone. [He wants to headbutt Ace again, but given how depressed the younger man already is, Marco just gently pets his hair soothingly.]

If you want to blame someone, blame Akainu, blame Blackbeard, but don't blame yourself for doing your best. No regrets.

Just ask, Fireworks. [A hug.]

I never said I blamed myself! [He blames himself for the pain.]

And I don't regret anything, okay? I was stupid and reckless and ignored everyone like an dumbass, but I don't regret it.

[He takes a deep breath, slowly letting it out before finally speaking.] Do you guys still feel mad at me for throwing away your efforts like that? Y-You all tried so hard to save me, and then I went and died anyway...

[Marco's really torn on beating Ace up, or just hugging him more. It's not Ace's fault he's a dumbass so beating him up for being a dumbass in order to prove that they aren't mad at him for being a dumbass... doesn't really work.]

[More hugs get.]

You... [Marco doesn't really expect Ace to get it. He feels like he's said it before and he'll keep saying it, just like he just promised, but it still might not sink in. How could he get through to him?] What did I say before?

None of us were ever mad at you, Ace. The first words out of Vista and my lips were "How could we let this happen?" We.

When you think it's all something you did wrong, you're underestimating us. And you should know better. We're strong too. We've got a lot fame to our names, a lot of capacity to do better than we did. Do you understand?

No one blames you. They didn't blame you for going after Blackbeard, we didn't blame you for not being able to kill him, we didn't blame you for getting turned over to the marines. Do you blame us for not being able to rescue you? Do you blame me for getting punched by your grandfather? Or getting stuck in seastone? Do you blame Jozu for losing his arm? Or Vista for being too busy distracting Mihawk from your brother to keep charging straight like we all said we would?

[He takes a deep breath. Ace's whole life Marco feels like he's been brainwashed. So many people who wanted to blame him for his existence, blame Roger's actions on Ace, punish him for things he wasn't even alive for... of course Ace does the same. And yet, it's still exasperating to the phoenix. If it was an outsider blaming Ace like that he'd kill them. So it doesn't make it acceptable for Ace to do the same as them either.]

Ace, if someone else said what you just said about you, I'd kill them. Seriously, you wouldn't be able to hold me back from that. Don't get me wrong, I don't want you to hide these things, but I cannot understand. What makes you think those idiots have a point?

Even pirates who would want to kill Pops given the chance still know that it wasn't ever your fault. Even fucking Crocodile knows that it's Blackbeard and the marines.

Do you blame us for not being able to save you?

["We". It's been just him and Marco for the longest time, he almost forgets he's always had 1600 brothers ready to back him up without a moment's notice. It brings him so much joy to hear all of these words, why can't he believe them? Why is it so hard to accept that something isn't his fault? He really can't stand himself sometimes. Rather than hugging back, Ace rested himself against Marco, shaking his head yet again.]

No. I don't blame you guys for anything. I couldn't if I tried, you guys haven't done anything to be blamed for. You guys have done nothing but help me, been a family for me. I'm sorry, it's just...

[It's hard. It always has been for him. No matter what, life has been a struggle for him. If he has a moment of happiness it's taken away. He lost Sabot to the world. He lost Thatch to Blackbeard. And he lost himself to Akainu. And even now, here in Luceti, everything could be taken away from him in a split second. No warning, no fight, not a thing. After the Malnosso get tired of him, he'll disappear from Luceti, and there's not a damn thing he can do to try and prevent it. It's just like being on the execution stand. He can die, and won't even have had a chance to fight back.

Why can't he ever fight back for his happiness?] This is something that's hard for me to move on from. I've been trying my hardest to tell myself that my life here matters, and not to let Marineford consume me. That's... moving on has been a lot harder than I thought it would. I'm trying to fight with all the horrible memories, and it's difficult.

[Fighting something has always been a challenge for him, hasn't it? Has he ever once won something...] Some days... I can't even help thinking about it for god knows how long. And everything that happened to you guys. I was stuck up there, telling all of you to get the fuck out, not to fight for me, but you did anyway. I didn't think I was worth it. And every time someone shouted "we're coming for you, Ace", I thought that it was because of me you were getting hurt and dying. When people shout that your the reason they're fighting, you can't help but think it's your fault they're getting hurt, too. [He leans a little more on Marco, trying to look for friendly support in this.]

It's been a challenge ever since I got back to try and move on from all of that.

Then, let me help you.

Ace, you're not alone, so stop acting like you are. You don't have to take it all upon yourself. This fight isn't just yours. If I have to concede you made one mistake -- and understand, I'm loathe to even do that -- then it would be that you keep taking responsibility for things beyond your control instead of letting us help you.

It's hard. I'm not asking you to understand overnight, but you have to start trusting us enough to know that we're smart enough not to waste our time on someone who didn't deserve it.

I know after everything with Blackbeard that's harder to believe, but think about it like this. Even after he did that, we still always trusted and loved you and knew you better than that.

We weren't getting hurt and dying because of you anymore than you got hurt and died because of Luffy. We're full grown adults Ace. We knew the possible consequences and kept charging forward anyway. OUR choice. You didn't force us there by your side, we chose to be there, because that's where we belong. Who's mark is on your back? That's where you belong too.

I'll help you fight those memories and thoughts, but you have to let me too. Trust me enough that this is something so important and true, that I'll do whatever it takes to help you see it too.

I-I'm not trying to act like I'm alone... [This is a bit complicated. How to explain it...] I've always been the one people depended on. It's still weird for me to realize I can depend on others in that way. N-Not that I didn't depend on them, too! It's just... a different kind, I guess. [Like in a younger brother relying on an older brother sense. Or nakama to their captain. It's just weird when that situation is reversed for him.

He leans against Marco and just listens for a while longer. He really should just know all of this stuff, huh. He just sighed, and held up his hand, letting flames dance over them. He lets out a sigh.] I wouldn't ask anyone else for help with this.

But you should.

It's one thing to say you'll do it alone, but there's no shame in needing help Ace. Do you think we'd want you to be miserable and not able to help in any way? You don't know that we can't help you so don't assume it before we try.

You want everyone to depend on you, but then you don't depend on us. That's totally selfish you know. [Lightly knuckles Ace's head playfully.]

I know there isn't! I just... I have a hard time deciding when I do and don't. [He cracks a smile at the nudge, and lightly headbutts him back.] Oi, who told me to be selfish?

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