fierybluebird | Ace and Sabo are gone // Written, Action

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Ace and Sabo are gone // Written, Action

[The first few times Marco tries to find his voice, he can't. This is what Robin, what everyone tried to warn him about isn't it? And he didn't listen. He always refused. Even if his father had been here and told him the same things, he wouldn't have listened to him either. At first he tries to seek solace in the rooftop, the memorial for his Pops, but today, not even that is enough. Where can he go other than "home?" And home is no longer CH3. It is still Luceti, scattered throughout his loved ones, but other than Leanne, that describe CH3 now.]

[He opens the journal and tries to speak, but he can't. So he winds up writing instead.]

Happy Post-Valentine's Day to anyone. I hope many happy couples found each other and no one was too disrupted.

[His hand shakes, and then clenches and the pen breaks. Too angry, so much rage. He uses the bottom half of the quill as best as he can to write more.]

My little brothers, [A long pause. He looks up at the flag and... it's not enough. Nothing is.] are both gone. Even knowing that every single day they had here was extra time, and as grateful as I am for that, they deserve more. I can't tell you they've gone to a better place, because they haven't.

[The last thing Sabo saw before his death was fire. And Ace died crying and smiling at the same time.]

But they're in good company I guess.

[Good company? He was jealous of them, still, even now. He had a huge fight with Ace about it, but he was jealous. Ace was jealous that Marco could be with the living, and Marco was jealous that Ace could be with the dead, could protect someone he loved that deeply by dying for them, something Marco never could. It was a dumb thing to be jealous about, but even knowing how infantile it was, didn't make it go away. It's a good time to go get a new pen. So Marco jumps down and goes to the item shop, finds a pen and right there, in middle of the shop, sits down on the floor and continues.]

I've lost a lot of nakama before, but Ace's affected me the worst. He brought with him a new era. He saved the man who will be the New Pirate King and renounced the world's idea of villains and heroes. [Marco sets the book and pen down so he won't break them again and it's all bit before he picks them back up.] In legends, phoenixes are supposed to herald the changing of eras, but I hate it. Mankind's eras in my world are tragically majestic things, but what use are they to an individual?

I'm not going back to the apartment for a long time. And I might move when I'm ready. I took the important things with me, but I'm not going back there.

Luceti is still my home. Make no mistake, I'll fight forever for my right to stay and the right for anyone else who wants to stay. I always will. That's who I am.

[He needs to talk to people, to try to comfort them in the wake of Ace's absence, in the wake of Sabo's, but all Marco wants to do is fly away. It's too cowardly though, so he won't. He wants to switch into phoenix form and stop feeling anything, but that's also cowardly and he know Robin's been trying to break him of the habit.]

If you think you can find me, you can try, otherwise, say the word and I'll come find you. No promises about the state I'll be in.

- Marco

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Damn it.

[Sits back down beside Ikki and wraps his arms around his legs.] All I need is company.

And I guess to constantly remember that it's worth it, eh? I don't want to let my Pops down by running away from myself. I've come further than that, but I'm so tired.

[This is why he hates to be around people. When they need him he can't do anything unless whatever is hurting them is something he can punch and beat to a pulp. Others like Seiya can do both things, he always could both give comfort and beat what was hurting others to a pulp. He could even do it at the same time when they fought against each other, beating Ikki at the same time as he gave him comfort and a plug for his bleeding heart. But Ikki can't do that, he's useless at times like those.

It's also why he always refused Saori's offer to live in the mansion, even if Shun was there. Precisely because Shun was there and he knew he would be useless there for him unless they were constantly attacked.]

If you're tired then why don't just rest? You can't run away from yourself if there's someone with you to hold the rope as you run and pull at it to bring you back when they consider it's enough. Right?

[That's Ikki's way to say that he has no plans of going far from Marco in the next days, weeks, months unless he deems it necessary to give Marco some alone time or the other is with someone else. Meaning that if Marco decides to go live in the mountains, he's going to have an orange phoenix right at his back.]

Aye. I can't leave though. If I leave Norma might leave too and then...

[And then he'd break. Just a little. Just enough to show it. He leans his head on Ikki's shoulder.]

Thanks bro.

Hn, whatever you decide to do is fine with me. Doesn't change my plans.

[You're still going to have him with you whenever you're not busying yourself with others, Marco.]

"Thanks", huh? I wish I could do more than just this.

There isn't more than this. This is exactly what anyone could do, eh? Technically more, because I don't have to explain anything to you, and that's a nice change of pace.

Besides, wishing I could do more is my thing right now.

Edited 2013-02-18 23:46 (UTC)

I'm sure some people would know of better things to say, at the very least. Anything I can think of just sounds bad.

[What's there to explain anyway? His brothers left, one of them, at the very least, to go back to being dead. There's nothing to explain there, anyone would understand it, or so Ikki thinks. The only difference is that Ikki doesn't need to be told "they left" for him to know.]

You're already doing a lot. There's only one thing you could wish to be able to do and we both know it's as impossible as asking a phoenix to not rise from his ashes.

I don't need words though. Just someone who understands, eh?

And that's... aye. That's it. I'd rather they lived than me. Is there an answer to the question why?

There is, at least for me. But I don't expect others to understand it.

Though, it should be enough of an answer to know that they were your little brothers.

[It should be enough, yes. What older brother wouldn't want to protect his little brothers? To give up his own life so they could go on living? Ikki can't think of not wanting to do that for Shun, it's the only thing for which he's grateful for being a phoenix, he will always rise again, he will be able to protect Shun even if it requires his death. But that's also a curse, because when the day comes that he can't protect Shun anymore, that Shun dies, be it by the hands of another being, by illness or age... What will he do if the phoenix keeps rising? What's the point of a live in which you can't do what you want to do the most anymore and are denied the chance to join those who left you?

Marco may have more little brothers than Ikki does, but sooner or later, they all will meet their ends and in both their cases it'll probably be sooner than they would wish for. And having more siblings only increases the burden, more people to protect but still only one phoenix to do the job. Even if he rises back from his ashes, it won't always be enough, there will always be someone left unprotected, someone who dies, no matter how fast and strong Marco becomes. Ikki's sure Marco knows that, and has known that for a long time, Ace's death only cements that knowledge. Ikki may act tough and cruel, saying mean things when people seem to find this place as a good one if only because it allows those who died to keep on living, but deep down he knows how precious that is. How happy Marco must had been, not just because they were with him but because they were alive, living on one day after another when they shouldn't be able to. But now they are gone and Ikki knows that no matter how much it was extra time, it wasn't enough for Marco.

It wouldn't be enough for him either, if he was in Marco's position.

He says nothing of all this, though, Marco said he doesn't need words and Ikki's sure nothing he can say is new for Marco anyway. So he just raises an arm and puts it over Marco's shoulders in an attempt for a one arm hug.]

But why me? Because I'm the oldest?

I don't know eh, I still wish I could give it to one of them, even though I wouldn't wish this on them. Che...

[Takes a deep breath.] I'm tired, eh? Robin once asked if I'm looking after everyone else, who's looking after me. But everyone else does, so it's fine, isn't it? Days like this though I just feel tired.

[Tired of people, tired of living, tired of doing, tired of existing.]

I wish I hadn't fought with Ace. I have no regrets, because I had to say it, but he never did get it, eh? But I think only someone who's stuck living when their loved ones can't... could get it. [So that really just left Ikki and Ange. The others tried, and they helped, and Marco was eternally grateful, but he couldn't explain it to them, and they didn't get it.]

I would say it's because of who you are. I don't think you would be much different even if you were younger than them.

It would be nice if we could just at least hand them one of our many lives, wouldn't it? We have so many we wouldn't notice it, but for them it would make a great difference without trapping them in this kind of live.

[Ikki says nothing to Marco's comment about how tired he feels, he's not surprised by it. Marco is older than him and Ikki's sure he has gone through the cycle more times than Ikki has already. If he himself feels tired of existing already at times, what won't Marco feel right now? Unfortunately, that's a tiredness that is bond to be with them forever, even if they weren't here... There's no rest of existing for a phoenix.]

Everyone is bond to lose someone sooner or later, that much they can understand. But most of them still have the comfort of knowing that they will join with their loved ones one day when they die. I guess Ace didn't stop to think about that part.

[About how, if there happens to be an afterlife in their world, Marco will probably be the only Whitebeard pirate to never join there.]

Exactly... [Sighs.]

Mah... I'm not sure he believes in afterlife. Not really anyway. That's why I was extra glad to have him here. He just sees... saw... what he was missing out on, which was getting to see Luffy achieve his dream, eh?

And as he sees it... he achieved his own.

In my world that wouldn't be a problem, I saw Hell more times than anyone would care for. But even if there's no afterlife, it's still the same. He only saw what he was missing out, but he didn't see what you are going to miss out.

I guess it's really hard to get someone with just one life to understand that how it feels to not being able to really die just because of your nature.

[He's not sure about Marco, but he has died before and even tried to stay dead only to be kicked out, only to be rejected even by Hell itself. It's ridiculous, how people want to live forever and don't get it, while he wishes he could just die and remain dead.]

As some here would say "they may return here".

Aye...

[His eyes really do well up with tears now.] He did see Hell... the closest we have in our world. Impel Down. They tried to make it a layered torture cell. Boiling, cutting, starvation, heat, cold... [Blinks away the tears, it's easier to stave them off when he's angry.] It's pointless anyway. They forget that simply being in prison is torture enough for people who only want freedom.

But I think that might be why he believed in the afterlife even less. I don't know.

I hope he does return. Both of them. Is that terrible?

I've heard about that one, everyone keeps describing it that way.

[Ikki doesn't deny it may be Hell on Earth, he hasn't seen it so he's no one to judge. Though in his opinion Hell is far worse, after all Impel Down is a prison, not everyone ends there even if it's questionable if all the ones who end there deserve it or not. But Hell, the one he knows, has everyone and anyone ending there regardless of what they have done in live.]

I think the one forgetting something is you. Or you are just not realizing how frustrating and vexing it must be for people who want to control everything to the smallest detail have people wanting to just have freedom to do whatever they want. The torture is probably their way to release that childish frustration, because otherwise having you all be killed on the spot rather than bother with creating a prison would be more efficient in making others give up on wishing for freedom.

[It's lovely to see what a low opinion Ikki has on the World Government of Marco's world, specially since his bff is a freaking Marine. One would think that Ikki would look at it more positively, really.]

You're a pirate, does it matter to you if it's terrible or not?

[A heartbeat.]

I would say it's normal. Even I would hope for that if Esmeralda or Kenuma and the others came here and left.

[Something in his tone says that he won't say that out loud ever again.]

Che, it's less than the likes of Crocodile and Blackbeard deserve, but I only hate it for what they did to Ace and Jinbe. Just because they were strong enough to handle it doesn't mean I can forgive it.

Thank you. At least I know I'm in good company, eh? [Leans a little on Ikki, borrowing his strength.]

Your World Government has never sounded to me as one to really care about who truly deserves something. And I wouldn't forgive it either.

[Ikki will be your strength if you need him to, Marco, no questions asked and even if Smoker is his bff, Marco is closer to a brother than anything else. Not that Ikki would dare to say that though.]

That's right, you still have Robin and everything.

Aye. They do it to save face. Because they need most of the world to think they're right and we're wrong. They're too insecure that they're wrong.

I do. Robin, Norma, Rei, Leanne. [Gulps.] Fuck. I really...

Every day with him was extra right? [Bluuuh he just wants to cry and can't.] He was like Pops. Something I never knew I needed in my life until suddenly he was there and I never felt so alive.

People who are that insecure are probably wrong in many things.

[If not all.

Ikki sighs understanding what Marco is talking about, however he refuses to accept that he has people like that. He refuses to admit that there are things that he needs in his life, it's why he always tries to keep to himself and back on his world it was one of the reasons why he never hanged around the others for long. Guilt played a great part on it, but he couldn't bring himself to give in to them, be part of the group completely. Because if he keeps the lone wolf attitude and all, even if he's surrounded by people, when he loses them he will be able to keep going on alone.]

You still have others, and I'm sure he will return some day. It's not the first time he leaves here after all, is it?

All of them.

And aye... He might. But I don't know if... [If he should do more. If there even is more he can do. If holding onto hope itself is something that might crush him in the long run. He doesn't finish it. He doesn't know if Ace ever will again, and that really does say it all.]

There's nothing else we can do, Marco. Sometimes all we can do is just sit, wait and hope, as annoying as that is.

[Pain slips into Ikki words for a second. He sighs, wondering if he's even saying the right things... But it's the only truth he knows, his own experience and he's not the type to shut up just because it's not nice.]

You're going to be a phoenix forever, whether we like it or not. And people insist on seeing the figure of a phoenix as one that has hope tied to it, because we will always rise again. If we stop having hope, we may be committing the worst sin possible.

[He says this now, but he himself probably will want to throw away hope and whatever later on. That's how Ikki is.]

I'm a pirate Ikki, I live and breathe every sin imaginable.

But... hope... eh?

[His father still had hope. Hope in mankind, the future, all of it.] I think I rested too many hopes on Ace once. But now that I think of it... they weren't really misplaced. Things I hoped from him happened. I just wanted to live and enjoy time with him. I guess hope for more of that can't really hurt. Pops believed the future rests on Ace's little brother's shoulders. It's a heavy burden to bear, eh? But he carries on Ace's will so he'll survive. We'll make him survive.

[Despite Ikki worries about right or wrong words, he's actually helping quite a bit nonetheless.]

[Ikki chuckles at the first remark.]

None of them are worse than that one would be.

[And he honestly thinks so. There was a time he didn't, but Seiya and the others reminded him of it. They give him back something he thought he had long since lost and while it didn't return that which he had lost just recently, it gave him enough to rise again.]

It's a heavy burden, but if you guys make him survive and all I don't think it will be hard for him to carry it. Nor for you to carry on Ace's and pops' will. That's the last thing family is there for after all, if family doesn't do that, no one else will.

[Specially not when the world is against them or they are orphans or both.]

Maybe so, eh?

It is something I can throw all of myself into without regret, eh? And there aren't too many other things I can say that about these days.

I can see that. It makes sense anyway, Ace died for him, didn't he? As far as everything goes, right now Ace's heart lives in that kid.

There's really nothing better I could think for you to be doing besides that. Or searching revenge, but that's sweeter when it's cold served as they say.

[Then again being a phoenix anything Marco serves will probably be hot anyway.]

Aye, he did, eh.

I'm not sure I can ever cool down enough to kill Akainu and Blackbeard like that, but I want to, so I'll give it my all. If I'm cold-blooded about it, I'll get to savor it more.

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