fierybluebird | [Appointment Post / Voicemail]

It is obvious when he is upset, and when he is upset, it often involves loud things like crying and yelling. Hah, truly pathetic...

[And Japan's cruel side comes out. But Marco's right here, Japan's just... ranting. As if complaining will make him feel better about it, even though he's just avoiding the issue of speaking to him himself.]

Change is natural. What sort of person allows themselves to be caught up in it? I do not want to become like China-san and fall to change. I wish to move with it. Even if... [Trailing off. Even if he loses a bit of tradition? ...No, he treasures tradition. Ahhhh, this sort of conflict in his mind again...]

I will always be Japan. I will take change as improvement rather than replacement.

Aye. You're strong like that, eh? [Sips his tea quietly and watches Japan.]

[Japan grows quiet in his own thoughts, lifting his cup a bit.]

Strong... [At what cost?] I am that.

[And he'll take a drink before he can really frown. How far would he keep going to get stronger like this... He already knew the answer. He wasn't stopping, either. What did this make him?

Suddenly the fight with China, hearing words like "monster"... They were all fresh again.]

That doesn't seem to make you happy though, does it?

[He lowers his cup back to the table, still not looking at Marco. It's because he's feeling a bit ashamed...]

I do not think it is about that. [Or is it? He's not sure actually.]

Ace does not like that side of me. ...That much is clear. China-san and America-san do not, either. They will continue to fight me until that part of me is erased. ...But I do not want to give it up so easily. I am not sure what this is...

You can't erase or change the past. You can fight to keep it, or you can fight to grow better than it. It will always be there though and serve as a constant reminder of which you chose to fight for.

Forget everyone else for a moment; what is you want? If you can't tell what your people want from here, then what does Kiku want? You said you didn't like losing control like that, and that does worry me.

The more people try to erase it, of course you'll want to protect it. To protect yourself. But you can be stronger without losing control or erasing it. [He feels like he's starting fail words again so he reaches out a hand to take one of Japan's in his.] You don't have to resort to things that will hurt you both.

[Those words and that hand are more helpful than it might appear. He's just sitting silently, staring at his tea, but he's thinking. Thinking so much. What does he want? What does... Kiku want? He squeezes that hand.]

I... ...I like it. [He doesn't stop his squeezing.] Power, that is. I enjoy being on the top... Making my name known and standing up for myself. I do not enjoy the way that I must act to do that, though.

[He loves the power, but he doesn't like having to be blunt or hurting people. HE CONTRADICTS HIMSELF REALLY.]

I do not like what I am turning into on this path, but I do not like seeing the path that I end up tossed to, either. ...Has Marco ever experienced something like this?

[A small sigh and a nod.]

Often. Sometimes you can only see how bad the path truly is after you're already walking down it, eh?

But that doesn't mean this path is absolute. These roads... there's other roads to take. Smart men like you can find another path to change the course to. Remember what it is you're protecting, hold that close and you'll find it easier to know which path to take. Power for power's sake alone is worthless. People will envy it, try to beat it down, try to take it at any costs and it's very troublesome. Always remember what you're using that power for, eh?

...I wanted to become powerful so I would not fall. [It's a dog eat dog world, or something like that. If he was crushing them all, they wouldn't crush him. That's why...

He started looking even to his family. Korea was dangerous just by being near him, so he invaded. And China...

...Yeah he'd have to think on this.]

How would Marco define a monster?

I'm still the wrong person to ask that as well, eh. To my world I'm a monster. My whole family are. Pops, even our allies. Such a thing I would wear with pride. [Unlike "hero."] I suppose my values must seem a bit backward to some people.

What do you think defines one?

...I am not sure. [So many things to consider. Honestly, he doesn't even try to think about it this time.]

It is just at times I wonder if I am one myself. ...I have certainly been called so.

Does it matter? It's just a word. Or title I suppose.

[Sideglance, he is actually asking, not just being rhetorical, though it's hard to tell through the permanent deadpan.]

I dislike the implications. ...Ah... China-san calling me "monster" is not something I wish to hear.

...But Seifer calling me "Hero" brings a bit of pride. ...If Marco were to call me "Hero," however... I would feel the same as if China-san called me "monster."

[Nods his head.]

All about the context. I see. You cannot change China, Bushido. Only yourself and how you deal with him. If you do not want to be a monster to him, isolate what causes that and do better. I have faith in you. You can do it. [Leans closer and ruffles his hair.]

...Thank you.

[Those words speak a lot more than they usually do coming from him, and as he moves to slide into a standing position, he leaves Marco a kiss on his cheek. He's just going to grab some snacks to put in the middle of the table real quick. And he wanted to leave that before escaping, yes.

But while he's getting those...]

Ah... I am usually not so blunt... but this is nice. Marco truly eases my mind.

[Blinks and touches his cheek where the kiss was. Oh. Dokidoki.]

Yeah? [Blushes. He's so pleased, he didn't think he could help like that, but he likes seeing Japan happier.] I'm glad I could help.

[NOW YOU KNOW, MARCO. Japan is so much happier. Of course he needs to spend some time thinking on his own too, but now he feels like he can talk with Marco, too.

Basically a lot of things opened just now. And because of that, Japan's mood is instantly up.]

I am glad, too. [That was spoken kind of quietly, but anyways he pulls out uh idk a can of cherries sure, and brings them over. THIS COUNTS AS A SNACK.]

[Grabs one of those cherries.]

There is a lot more though, right?

...On my mind, do you mean? Ah... Yes. There is always something. A few somethings.

[Grabbing a cherry too yay]

It can be brought up slowly... ...Ah... Marco thinks of a lot, as well, correct? [noms cherry] Would he speak to me, or should I question when he does not?

[Spreads his hands with a shrug, but nods. Because that's not confusing at all.]

Ask a question. I wouldn't know where to start.

I see... [Sipping his tea... And then setting it back down and staring at it.]

Ah... Perhaps I can start by asking what is on Marco's mind now. Or... recently, perhaps.

[Leans back slightly and shrugs again.] Fog, ghosts... I ah... Being haunted by Blackbeard. [Shivers.] It's sick. Scenes of decades ago when we laughed together. [Eyes narrow.] Worse still... it's like he's really walk around Discedo. Talking about the buildings and fishing... [Suddenly pushes the cherry away from and over to the other side of Japan.] Wanting more ingredients for cherry pie.

I hate him Bushido. I didn't think I had this much capacity for it.

[He pauses and decides he should probably stop trying to eat cherries. Ahh...]

So Marco has noticed that too... It is truly seeming like others were here. [A frown and he makes sure to watch Marco.]

Are you no longer comforted by them being "fakes?" [He doesn't speak with the quotations, but he thinks with them. He's really finding it hard to believe they're fake now, but he doesn't want to insult Marco...]

[Lol no. Cherries are good. Marco just remembered what they remind him of.]

No. It's fake. Or alternate version. "Glitch" you called it, right?

[Somehow Japan feels like eating them would be rude because they obviously remind him of Blackbeard LOL; But he stares at Marco for a long time.]

... [He doesn't want to tell him 'you're wrong' but he's concerned. concerned that they may be real and this is just denial. he wonders if Marco could handle it if they did happen to be real...

they could be fake. they could very well be fake. is it worth it to bring up? he has no idea...]

...A glitch...yes... I wonder.

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