fierybluebird | [Appointment Post / Voicemail]

Is once a day too often? We can set aside time just for this. No matter what's going on. That way you don't have to worry alone anymore. [Being blunt. He enjoys it.]

[...Japan enjoys when Marco is blunt too. SOB. But oh gosh, once a day, he loves that...........]

Ah... that would be nice.

[... That icon. Are you trying to give him a nosebleed?]

I'm glad then. And I won't let you escape.

[MAYBE. But ahhhh Japan likes to hear that sort of thing too, so even though he's silent as he helps bring the tea over to the kotatsu, he's actually blushing and... pleased. Excited even? For where this was going. HE'S A DORK.]

[Moe. And Marco goes to join him.]

Okay so where you want to start? Shiki? Or even further back?

[Sitting down yes... and staring at his lap.]

It is difficult to pick a "start" when it is more of an ocean than a river... Ah...

Not everything must be dealt with now. ...Some things are for me to consider, after all. But they do add to the others. [He raises his hands to rest around his cup.]

China-san spoke to me when he arrived once again. ...He said that he no longer considered us to be brothers. [And how did he feel about that? Well. As much as he denied ever being brothers with China... He knew how much China loved to say it. Prided himself on being Japan's brother. Even through war and fights, it was always there.

What was there now?]

[A soft look. That would hurt. From what Marco remembers, even torture, war, and imprisonment didn't make Sweden and Denmark disown each other.]

About the same time period as America now wasn't it? [China's time period.] Are you surprised it bothers you?

[There's a nod at the time period question, but he stops immediately at the next.]

...No. [He's not surprised. Of course it would bother him. No matter how much he outwardly denied things, he did understand himself. To a point. He turns his cup, eyeing it rather than anything else.]

I am simply unsure what to do. ...Perhaps it is that I would like for it to be fixed without having to do anything myself. Yes, that would be ideal...

[Fixes him with a small smirk. Two parts incredulous, one part amusement, but all parts deadpan as always.]

You want me to magically fix it for you while you never even talk to him?

Edited 2011-10-05 05:20 (UTC)

N-no! [Actually, Marco, he would love that. So technically he does want it. HE DOESN'T EXPECT IT but he would want it yes.

But he's acting insulted. Because revealing that he'd think like that... How lame is that.]

...I do not want to deal with this, and yet it is upsetting. Hahhh, why is he like this? Always so dramatic... "War has changed you aru!" Always crying, it is not how you should speak in that sort of situation!

Crying?

Well, you probably grew up quite a bit from the little brother he once remembered. He has to reconcile that first probably.

[And he hasn't forgotten what Japan mentioned about losing control.]

It is obvious when he is upset, and when he is upset, it often involves loud things like crying and yelling. Hah, truly pathetic...

[And Japan's cruel side comes out. But Marco's right here, Japan's just... ranting. As if complaining will make him feel better about it, even though he's just avoiding the issue of speaking to him himself.]

Change is natural. What sort of person allows themselves to be caught up in it? I do not want to become like China-san and fall to change. I wish to move with it. Even if... [Trailing off. Even if he loses a bit of tradition? ...No, he treasures tradition. Ahhhh, this sort of conflict in his mind again...]

I will always be Japan. I will take change as improvement rather than replacement.

Aye. You're strong like that, eh? [Sips his tea quietly and watches Japan.]

[Japan grows quiet in his own thoughts, lifting his cup a bit.]

Strong... [At what cost?] I am that.

[And he'll take a drink before he can really frown. How far would he keep going to get stronger like this... He already knew the answer. He wasn't stopping, either. What did this make him?

Suddenly the fight with China, hearing words like "monster"... They were all fresh again.]

That doesn't seem to make you happy though, does it?

[He lowers his cup back to the table, still not looking at Marco. It's because he's feeling a bit ashamed...]

I do not think it is about that. [Or is it? He's not sure actually.]

Ace does not like that side of me. ...That much is clear. China-san and America-san do not, either. They will continue to fight me until that part of me is erased. ...But I do not want to give it up so easily. I am not sure what this is...

You can't erase or change the past. You can fight to keep it, or you can fight to grow better than it. It will always be there though and serve as a constant reminder of which you chose to fight for.

Forget everyone else for a moment; what is you want? If you can't tell what your people want from here, then what does Kiku want? You said you didn't like losing control like that, and that does worry me.

The more people try to erase it, of course you'll want to protect it. To protect yourself. But you can be stronger without losing control or erasing it. [He feels like he's starting fail words again so he reaches out a hand to take one of Japan's in his.] You don't have to resort to things that will hurt you both.

[Those words and that hand are more helpful than it might appear. He's just sitting silently, staring at his tea, but he's thinking. Thinking so much. What does he want? What does... Kiku want? He squeezes that hand.]

I... ...I like it. [He doesn't stop his squeezing.] Power, that is. I enjoy being on the top... Making my name known and standing up for myself. I do not enjoy the way that I must act to do that, though.

[He loves the power, but he doesn't like having to be blunt or hurting people. HE CONTRADICTS HIMSELF REALLY.]

I do not like what I am turning into on this path, but I do not like seeing the path that I end up tossed to, either. ...Has Marco ever experienced something like this?

[A small sigh and a nod.]

Often. Sometimes you can only see how bad the path truly is after you're already walking down it, eh?

But that doesn't mean this path is absolute. These roads... there's other roads to take. Smart men like you can find another path to change the course to. Remember what it is you're protecting, hold that close and you'll find it easier to know which path to take. Power for power's sake alone is worthless. People will envy it, try to beat it down, try to take it at any costs and it's very troublesome. Always remember what you're using that power for, eh?

...I wanted to become powerful so I would not fall. [It's a dog eat dog world, or something like that. If he was crushing them all, they wouldn't crush him. That's why...

He started looking even to his family. Korea was dangerous just by being near him, so he invaded. And China...

...Yeah he'd have to think on this.]

How would Marco define a monster?

I'm still the wrong person to ask that as well, eh. To my world I'm a monster. My whole family are. Pops, even our allies. Such a thing I would wear with pride. [Unlike "hero."] I suppose my values must seem a bit backward to some people.

What do you think defines one?

...I am not sure. [So many things to consider. Honestly, he doesn't even try to think about it this time.]

It is just at times I wonder if I am one myself. ...I have certainly been called so.

Does it matter? It's just a word. Or title I suppose.

[Sideglance, he is actually asking, not just being rhetorical, though it's hard to tell through the permanent deadpan.]

I dislike the implications. ...Ah... China-san calling me "monster" is not something I wish to hear.

...But Seifer calling me "Hero" brings a bit of pride. ...If Marco were to call me "Hero," however... I would feel the same as if China-san called me "monster."

[Nods his head.]

All about the context. I see. You cannot change China, Bushido. Only yourself and how you deal with him. If you do not want to be a monster to him, isolate what causes that and do better. I have faith in you. You can do it. [Leans closer and ruffles his hair.]

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