fierybluebird | [Appointment Post / Voicemail]

[Sometime between working on the subway and dealing with others, Japan made it back to the apartment. Maybe Marco was with him, maybe he wasn't, but the country had been especially quiet today, aside from certain direct statements that were required on the job.

He was slipping, wasn't he? How much longer could he keep up this sort of act? Seifer could always do it. Seifer was always... ... That didn't even matter. He was Japan. The Empire of Greater Japan, so why was he struggling with such simple issues...

His thoughts aside, he was too stubborn to stop normal activities. He had to keep it up, right? As long as he could. And so he'd go straight for the kitchen to make dinner, though silently.]

Hey Bushido.

[Ruffles his head. He can tell the man is worked up, but Marco's starting to fall at a loss on how to fix it, or at minimum, lessen the pressure. He recalls one of their (many) rooftop conversations about too many options being laid out in front of him. Like a myriad of too many paths with too many twists to ever take back or possibly foresee coming. How could anyone choose the right course in front of them? And staying still, waiting forever so as not to make a mistake, that too was its own problem. At that time on the rooftop he'd agreed to try to take one course and let Japan take another so that they could compare which was the best one. This time he's not sure what to do though. His first instinct is just to be blunt. Would that make it worse, upset Japan even more for being insensitive? But Japan said he liked it when others were blunt.]

The air in here is worse than a shook up bottle of Cola, eh? [Reading the atmosphere, Japan could appreciate that, right? Or was it too much? Marco didn't want to force Japan to talk, and he definitely didn't want to make it worse, but maybe it would be better. Japan certainly usually tried to make Marco talk so it was really only fair.]

[Being blunt with Japan was probably one of the safest options. Somehow, the subtle man had come to learn to rely on others to be blunt in place of him. Not to mention to say exactly what was on his mind so he wouldn't have to... But who was around who would do that anymore?

Marco's words hit Japan like an insult, even though they're far from it, and he tenses, stopping what he's doing to shoot Marco a look. Angry, or upset, but, not sturdy. And so really, a perfect way to address just what was wrong.]

What is meant by that?! [Angrily, but above all, desperately. Was it obvious something was wrong? So was his sturdiness slipping already? Wasn't he supposed to be staying strong? All of these questions were rising and he didn't want to face them. He didn't want to face any sort of failure or screw up from himself, of course. So... it was natural that he'd get so defensive.

And his defense was more of an offense to begin with.] I have been working all day, you realize! Even before the subway... [...]

If Marco does not like the air, he does not have to stay here! [And that again. How many times had he told Marco to leave, recently, when he wanted the opposite...

Well he froze after those words and turned around to try and ignore the fact that he just sort of exploded.]

[Freezes and pauses. Did he go too far?]

[No wait. It's just Japan. It's stressful for everyone and of course he's upset. If anything it's better that he's finally admitting it. Isn't it?]

Oi oi...

[Leans on his head, not caring whether that just makes Japan stab him or not.]

Did I say it was bad? Cola is best when shaken. You don't have to talk to me, but you should always feel that you can, eh? Because it'll take a lot more than this to get rid of me. You can try to protect me, but don't try to protect me from yourself. I think I've already proven that I can handle whatever you throw my way.

[If there was ever a time where Japan could stab Marco, it was this LOL. But he doesn't. He just twitches, thinking on those words.

Protect? It wasn't even... Okay well maybe. In that he didn't think he could get better from this mood and he didn't want to yell at Marco and yet here he still was... And he had wanted to be 'strong'. Whatever that was.]

Would talking help? [He sounds sort of bitter, as if he's tried in the past and it hasn't. BUT REALLY he's just been extremely vague and dropped topics and been a jerk. ...Still he's standing by this yes.]

Beats me. I'm the one who never wants to talk, eh. And you always make me. At least tell me what's on your mind.

[Moves to sit down.] I've been acting like I don't notice, and you've been acting like you don't know I noticed -- [He assumes that Japan has noticed that, though it was getting a bit ridiculous.] and I can keep on doing that, but if that was working, the air wouldn't be so thick, eh?

[Puts on his glasses and peers up Japan trying to look smart and use his secret cute!weakness against him.] Don't you trust me like I trust you?

[He turns back at that angrily. It wasn't in his ability right now, with this mindset, to guess that Marco would be saying these things on purpose. All he heard was another insult-- and at the same time... a question he wasn't sure of the answer to.]

O-of course I--! [Actually this reminds him of a lot of old things. Did he even know what trust was? Through the anger, he's struck with a sad look.]

"Trust" is not that easy! How... [He stops himself. GOD HE IS SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW and he's super mad at Marco for being able to stay so calm... But at the same time... it's good for him to. ...Trust. How was he supposed to know how to trust. He couldn't... get used to it so fast... What was he supposed to do...

Yes he's just frozen here.]

[Softens his voice to a much lower quiet.]

You think I don't know that? But you're my nakama, there isn't anything you have to hold back from me if you don't want to. [Damn he was waffling again. Should he not give Japan room to run? Japan knew not to give Marco that space, but Marco couldn't bring himself to be that forceful. Not yet at least.]

[As the sad leaks in to be stronger than the angry, Japan turns his back on Marco and just places a hand on the counter nearby. Confusion, too... He didn't want to hold anything back. But he didn't know how not to.

He didn't even know how to say that... And so he stood there silently, staring at some spot on the ground in front of him and trying to think up words.]

[Marco got back up and walked over to join Japan with an arm around his shoulders.]

Start with Shiki. She doesn't seem to give a fuck that you're her country. Or maybe even hates you for it? And you miss home, ne? Tell me about that.

Or you can punch me in the jaw. [A small grin and points to it. It's his way of trying to make amends for having to go so blunt. If he has crossed the line; not letting Japan hide away like an emotional hikikomori; if that's a mistake, then he can at least try to repair that as well.] Square on, eh? I can take it.

[He glances at that hand as it goes around his shoulders. Shiki... and home. Is that what Marco has so far?

But that offer. There's a pause.]

[AND THEN.

HE DOES IT. Punches him right in the jaw and huffs and stares...]

...

I told Marco... not to allow me to seclude. ...What sort of way were you thinking? What sort of ways have you been avoiding? I have been feeling quite lonely, you realize...

Please do not accept things like "it is fine" and "please do not worry" when that is not the case! M-making me be so blunt...! My old heart cannot handle this sort of thing!

[A long pause.

And then as if he had only just realized what he did, NERVOUS FLAILY]

F-f-forgive me for just now! I did not think... Ah...

[Another longer pause this time.]

[So that's how it was? Marco hesitated slightly. Thatch had always tried to make him address discussing things better, casual mentions of "girls", and most girlfriends Marco had had in the past, had the same problem. But even with all that... He'd made sure Japan was still going outside, and he was in the apartment to make sure he wouldn't just fall into old habits once more. Much like Marco's own problem. He lets it quickly tumble around mentally to make sure he's getting all of it.]

[The whole thing is rather cute though. From the hard punch to the words and yelling and then apologetic flailing. Marco rubs his jaw gently and bends down to give Japan a quick kiss.]

Do not think I was fooled by your claims that you were fine. I never was, not even once. It's almost insulting to think you think I could be. [Still a small grin breaks through his deadpan anyway. Aha, so in a weird way, this was still alike for the both of them. Marco ran and hid from such conversations, but so did Japan. Still, they needed to support each other. Okay. So long as it was for Japan Marco knew he could do anything. Even that.] You're not old. [Shoves his forehead. But barely lets him fall back before tugging him into a hug again.] I'm sorry for make you suffer in silence before. [He almost half jokes that he wanted to see how long it would take, but even that is too much bad timing for him.]

I shall forevermore be horribly blunt and invasive and look through all your thoughts, just as I allow you to search mine, eh? [A small bow and smirk as he referenced Japan's habit of stalking his comm, and his ~~diary~~ manly captain's log journal.] Thank you for this honor which I'm sure will never be bestowed on anyone else. [There was a small edge to his voice, one that seemed to say "it better not be."]

...

[So he had noticed? As one who claimed that reading the atmosphere was his hobby... He had always been so convinced that he was alone that anyone who knew what he was thinking and told him what it was must have been a mind reader. Yes, he had convinced himself that...

He flushes at the horribly blunt and invasive part. DID HE HAVE TO WORD IT.... HORRIBLY BLUNT LIKE THAT!! Okay no but he loved it. Ah Japan your mind I swear...]

Y-you were not...? [fooled he means] ...Why was nothing said?!

[and in an added mumble] It is not as if anyone else could...

[A small frown.] Of course not. Eh, you're not fooled when I hide either. [Wow Japan, forcing Marco to admit out lout to himself AND someone else that he does that. This is just awkward blunt day for both of them.]

I was trying to be polite.

[While sadly there is only a very special world in which not calling someone on their emotional evasiveness and hurt feelings is "polite," that world is Marco's. Sure he can be blunt while teasing, but not in refusing to let his friends have their facades. Even to be at this level took some doing.] Ah... mon ami... [Yes, he said that in French. To make Japan swoon. ~~Though that only would work in his head; the same place letting someone suffer through their own inability to address problem is just good manners.~~] Did you truly think I would let you seclude even like that? You are never alone. I am always an arm's length away. I just didn't want to force you too much.

[Rubs the back of his neck.] Che. Everything you say means no. Why should "Everything is fine" not be the same? It means no. Mah, it's cute though. [Kisses Japan's cheek. Let it never be said Marco's taste strays from "high-maintenance" and frankly, completely fucked up.] I suppose I have been a bit evil though. Sometimes I like to ask things I know you want to say yes to, just to see how you'll try not to say no to it. [He is the worst. Though, to be fair, this also means, other times he just tries to surprise Japan with good things so he won't have to say no or yes to it.]

[Japan is actually really startled right now. Marco was understanding, and he had just... ...What. So was he the one misunderstanding here?

He was so used to people honestly not understanding him that that's all that he could assume. And the fact that Marco had known, simply not said anything, that Japan was feeling lonely when he didn't have to... That he had considered Marco too good to be true a lot of the time, so surely his not understanding him was the exception-- but now it wasn't there?

BASICALLY he is extremely embarrassed and doesn't feel on top of this situation at all. Someone can really match in all of these areas...?

HE SORT OF WANTS TO PICK APART THAT LAST SENTENCE OF MARCO'S. Accuse him of being cruel or react to it in some way to try and fall back into this conversation, but he's still caught on "Marco understands" so he'll just be standing there looking completely startled and a bit red LMFAO.]

I just didn't think I should call you on it, eh? I'm sorry.

Ahh... I thought pretending to be okay might help you get there... like how I just about never call Ace on his fake smiles, eh? We're nakama. You think I can't tell? [Gives him a gentle hug from behind.] Tell me what to do. Do you want me to leave you like that?

...I do not.

[He doesn't want to be left like that, no. And he never admits that, SO MAKE NOTE OF IT MARCO. He is being forward here.]

After two hundred lonely years... I wonder why I still have not learned how to reach out to people. It seems that when I try, I only manage to push them away. So... Ah, I do not want to push Marco away.

October 3rd; action

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October 3rd; action -- IT IS it is solving Japan's foreveralone.jpg