fierybluebird | [video] Back with the chocobos / All the jokes

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[video] Back with the chocobos / All the jokes

[In a scene that might be familiar to some, Marco is back in the barn, with five baby chocobo. Not quite so baby now, he might be able to fit one of them in a bag on his back, but not all of them. He can't even fit them all under one wing, but that's all right, the others he's dealing with in different ways. It might not be immediately obvious, but the loss of Ace is hitting him hard. Normally he'd go into a rage to kill things, but he doesn't seem to feel it's worth it.]

Ace's name is up on the memorial wall. He might come back... I hope so.

[There's a much too long pause in which he looks a world away and scoops up a chocobo fitted with a Spade collar.]

Ah so how about some bird jokes, eh?

You've probably all heard this one: Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why didn't the turkey cross the road?
He didn't want to be a chicken.
Why did the ducks cross the road?
To prove they could do it better than the chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the road twice?
It was a double-crosser.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
To prove he wasn't a chicken.

A phoenix walks into a bar filled with a bunch of turkeys. He gives them a polite nod and then buys everyone a round of drinks. They crowd around their new friend and offer some peanuts. "Gobble gobble gobble?" they suggest. "No thanks," he politely declines, "I'm allergic." They offer him pretzels. "Gobble gobble gobble?" He takes a few of those and they continue on for hours. Eventually they run out, and just as he was about to leave, they look him up and down and ask, "Gobble gobble gobble?" He gives them a horrified look and explains, "No way! I'm not into that!"

Why did the marines arrest the turkey?
They brought it on suspicion of fowl play!

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[Sips his tea and glances down at Marco.]

It is difficult to know what is on Marco's mind when he is like that.

[Siiiiideglance. That was the point Japan.]

Crooo?? [Tries to play innocent.]

[He knows this much >:T]

Ah, I thought that this was the point of sharing tea... [sips]

[Guilty sideglance the other way and switches back.]

I miss Ace. Sorry. He should be here still, damn it. I feel haunted and I don't even have his ghost to talk to. Though if I did... I know it wouldn't help. [Just slumps back down sinking into his arms and Japan's lap.]

[He slowly moves to set his tea down after watching Marco, and then rests a comforting hand on him. This couldn't be helped. Nothing he could say could help, but... He understood this pain too. Maybe not as much as Marco, but he still understood it. He missed Ace too. What could he even say?]

Ah, yes... Surely he would tell Marco to stop missing him and enjoy his life. But to stop missing him is unrealistic, I believe. [A pause.]

Would a shrine of some sort help?

[Shakes his head no.] I have one back home. Maybe it would help Luffy, but it seems like if we do that, we're saying he can't come back here either and...

[Figdets and rolls back onto his back, switches into a phoenix to get comfortable and then back out of it in a burst of blue flames.]

I think I'm mad at him. Or maybe I just want to be so it doesn't hurt, eh? [And probably because Marco refused to be mad at him for other reasons so might as well pick the reason Ace had no control over.]

I need... to know what's going on with you. Ah like... how this teatime usually is. [Not in the sense where Marco often tried to help fix it, but more in that Marco couldn't take focusing on trying to find a way to bring Ace back if it was very likely impossible at this time.]

[He frowns worriedly. He can understand this feeling, but is it really okay to just keep on like this? Distracting him?]

I do not believe avoiding it is quite healthy...

[Grits teeth.]

Then what do you want from me?

[He moves a hand to stroke under Marco's chin in an attempt to soothe him. That sort of tone...]

I want to help Marco accept this sadness instead of allowing him to hide from it. Avoiding this sort of thing will only enable it to swallow you.

[Slumps back down again, the touch under his chin serving to soothe the rage.]

It's not fair. And it's useless to say that. He deserved more. Do you know right up until the end he seemed surprised that we'd all drop everything and come for him? And even here. He never got it! He couldn't believe anyone would want to be in a different world for him. And maybe it's just he doesn't want that guilt or pressure or responsibility, but I don't get it. He was a division commander and took on things that weren't his responsibility at all. Always so damn frustrating. And I miss him. It's so incomplete. He got his dream, but he didn't even get time to enjoy it. And here, all his friends except you went home. Bellandy, Sweden, Jon.

[Clenches a fist and quietly seethes, the rage all winding back up and into a bottled only to corked.] I hate it. The only thing that would help is killing Akainu a thousand times over and I'm sick of everyone else claiming dibs. [And then there was the issues that Marco couldn't go on a single-minded suicidal mission to kill the man while he had too many others to look after.]

It was better here and he still just... Not enough. He deserved more. If I could give him my life, I would... so why can't it work that way? [Why did he have to feel like that if he couldn't do anything with it?]

[His heart sinks during a certain part of that speech for more selfish reasons, but he blinks it away and sideglances, trying to think of how to reply.]

I believe he understood. Ah... that is... I believe there was a point here where he discovered that others could care so much. [A quiet pause.]

It is just his nature to wish for your sake rather than his own... Isn't it? Even if he understands that he is cared for, he cares for Marco and the others, as well.

[Ironically that was the sort of thing Marco wanted to know about from Japan so that he'd have some motivation for himself to stop feeling this way.]

Big damn hero. [Possibly the only time ever anyone will hear Marco say something remotely negative about Ace.] I'd rather have my best friend back. Why couldn't I... [Shoulders rise and fall and he starts crying. Was he just useless to protect them? To stop them from being sent back? He couldn't accept it. It was too low of a standard and Marco demanded better of himself. He had to, so he would. That was how it was.] I was really glad he was here. [Was that too selfish? Almost demanding Ace live out a life that even Ace was unsure about. Just so Marco could play like they had more time. Pretend to make up for a mistake he could never repair, couldn't even regret, and even if he had to do it all over, wouldn't be able to change a thing.]

I'm sorry. [Mumbles childishly and hides in a wing.] I am stronger than all this. [That he says with a final sense certainty. He knows he is.] And I have no regrets.

[Japan's eyes sort of widen just slightly at all this, but he only shifts to give Marco more attention, staying quiet. As far as Japan was concerned, all this getting off Marco's chest was good. Healthy. Helpful... If painful. Right?]

I am glad he was here, as well. [There's a gentle tone to his voice, and he takes Marco by the chin to make him face him instead of his wing. His free hand thumbs away some tears from Marco as he watches him steadily.]

Even like this, Marco is still strong.

[Well, it means he's certainly not in denial at least. Though somehow the gentle touches just make him cry more. He shakes his head almost wanting to tell Japan he's wrong, but no, Marco is sure he's strong, so then why. Why wasn't it enough?]

I still failed him. [It's deathly quiet and the tears are stopped, only making the words that much more still. The four hardest words Marco's ever said in his life. Because it wasn't just him, it was all of them. They wanted to see Ace happy, and that had been completed. But somehow they'd let him think Blackbeard was his responsibility alone and trying to convince him otherwise was too little too late. Except, that was on Blackbeard's head wasn't it? Even still, Ace should have been free and happy and loved and Marco wanted to fight for that dream a million times over until it created some sort of lasting permanency.]

I do not usually speak when I disagree, but... [He just watches with a soft frown, leaning in and wrapping his arms around Marco slowly in a hug.]

You did not. [He's positive. Japan is so positive Ace realized he was loved, and there was a part of him that was happy. His nature was more similar in to Japan's that he had this bittersweet tone to it, but he realized...

But Marco being home rather than here was something good for Marco. Japan could see that too.]

Marco and the rest of Ace's nakama gave him meaning. They made Ace realize he was loved. Please do not forget that.

[Hugs.]

I haven't forgotten. [Clenches a fist behind Japan's shoulder where it's resting.] But for only a few moments... and then here... Here I still don't know it ever sunk in with him.

[Rests his head on Japan.] I wanted him to live so much... to see him through to his dreams... I guess I did a little. [Shivers.] Fuck... don't I have the right to miss him too?

Of course you do. [It's still strange to use "you" sometimes, and that sentence is one of those times especially but. It's Marco. And Japan will make any move he can to show he cares.]

...I believe it did, though. [Sink in with Ace, he means. It was hard to see, but he firmly believed that...] Ah, but... [Still hugging Marco, he tightens it a bit so to prevent him from pulling away if he would.]

...You loved him, after all...

[Blinks and it's a good thing Japan's holding on tight because Marco was about to back up there. Instead, he tries to take his hand and nibble on his neck to distract himself from feeling only pain and loss.]

Not like you. Like loving the rain, or the smell of a campfire. You... Ah... just because I miss him doesn't mean I love you any less Bushido. I've never wanted to go back in time to spend more with Ace, but I do with you. So I could try to steal every second of your day. Because for you even 20,000 isn't enough. For Ace, 4 just seems too cruel. Understood?

[Although, he's not sure that he's not jumping the gun, he doesn't want Japan to feel jealous if that's what this is. Having now been very jealous over Japan, he knows how much it sucks.]

I'm glad you're back. I'm sorry... for being that selfish.

[He keeps holding on just for that reason. And Marco's right, but that embarrasses him. Or he feels ashamed? Something like that, though the words do help a bit.]

...Marco is not the selfish one. [Just that comment about giving his life for Ace's had struck something, and now here he was getting caught up in his own words like "you loved him"... He wants to sigh, but he holds it back.]

I am sorry... [That Ace is gone. Or maybe that he was selfish. Both, but he left it open for that reason. And his grip finally loosens on that hug.]

[Just takes a deep breath and tries not to cry.]

Don't be. Just don't let me go, eh? Fuck... I don't know what triggered this now of all... [Shifts about trying to get comfortable. He can't decide if he wants to pull Japan into his lap and just curl phoenix wings around him or be the one hugged himself. Finally, he decides on the first one and sets the smaller man in his lap with vibrant blue wings around him so he can bury his face in the crook of Japan's neck.] This is what I get for loving a human, right? And all I can do is protect Luffy.

Ah Japan... don't let me go. I don't want to be me right now, but I do want to be me with you. [Somewhere in his head, that makes sense.]

[As he's pulled into Marco's lap, he forgets his brief silly thoughts and raises a hand to reach back and hold that head there by his neck. After all his talk about being an old man, Japan only has a select amount of moments that display him speaking true to that manner. And this is one of them.]

It is this sort of life that we have, to watch others fade away, even if they were not ready to. [He pulls his hand back into his lap slowly.] Ah, they will come and go like the seasons, and of course there will be sorrow...

But I will be with Marco. Surely I was meant to return before he left. So I could be with Marco.

[Gulps and nods. It doesn't make the pain go away, but it helps. More than just that Ace wouldn't want him to be upset; that just made Marco frustrated at this point. But having a goal to keep stepping forwards to, someone to look after, that he needed most of all.]

Hai. Thank you love. [Hugs tightly and leans his head against Japan's.] I think this is the first time it's felt permanent. Back home... I was too busy dealing with trying to keep the crew together and the islands and Blackbeard and Shanks... here he was here from the day I got here. Even when he felt a million light years away, he was still just an arm's length away. [And he was only mad at Ace now because it hurt.] I guess I don't deal with pain too well, eh. [Because he could always cheat and turn into a phoenix before when he wanted to.]

Mm... [He takes in that hug with a slow breath.] I do not believe this is ever something that can be taken well.

Ah, but I will help with what I can... [Even though he didn't know what to say right now. It did seem permanent. It sort of was, right? Sort of...]

You are helping. You help so much Bushido.

[Hugs and clings tightly.] Before it felt like a black hole deep in my gut that was eating me from the inside out. Like Blackbeard got to me without even touching me. Now, it's just a weight around my shoulders. Like you said, I just need time right?

Ah this is embarrassing... I suppose you don't cry often, eh?

[All of this hugging and clinging... He still looks back on it and thinks, wow I can do this sort of thing now? But anyway, he's surprised that he's helping, and surprised that Marco admitted it was embarrassing. Plus that question...]

Ah... time. Yes. [A pause.] It would be troublesome if I cried each time I was upset. [...that's a reasonable answer suuuure]

But I do not find anything wrong with it. Is it embarrassing even if it is just me...?

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